Totally Bulls*it News

Why Did The Secretary of Defense Text Me Dick Pics and Nuclear Launch Codes?

"I'm Prince of War now, got it? I'll do what I want. Text what and who I want." Well, that was a new one. I...

Jordan and Gaetz Say Trump Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The results of last month's presidential haven't really...

Biden Posts Eviction Notices on White House Doors

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, it was reported by Satirical Facts...

Experts Warn the Next Republican Coup Attempt Could Be a Lot Less Stupid

What would happen if there was a coup attempted by one...

Least Popular President In History Still Struggling to Cope With Losing Popularity Contest

The least popularly elected president, who ended up being the least...

Trump Looking Forward to Spending Less Time With ‘Homewrecker’ Jared Kushner

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- To say that President Donald Trump has given...

Trump Gives Nunes Glowing Recommendation for New Job in the Porn Industry

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is quite a lot of work to...

Trump Pardons Benedict Arnold, Robert E. Lee, and Himself

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The outgoing, one-term, lame duck, permanently impeached President...

Report: The Secret Service Will Lead Trump Out of White House Using French Fry Trail

Getting President Donald Trump to accept that he lost last month's...