Totally Bulls*it News

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity and politics don't mix." Jesus Hubert Christ is not a fan of Project...

Trump Says He Won’t Participate in Biden’s Inauguration or The Next Olympics

It was never really that much in doubt, but outgoing, lame duck, one-term,...

Biden Team Asks White House to Take Down Sexy Photos of First Lady By January 20th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The incoming Biden administration has asked President Donald...

Cruz Says He and His Ugly Wife Are Appalled By Pro-Trump Violent Mob He Incited

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- Just days before the violent pro-Trump mob ransacked...

ISIS Arranges Trade With U.S. For Hawley, Cruz, and Trump

The details of a new blockbuster trade in the Major Leagues...

Betsy Devos Confident She’s Leaving the Education Department in a ‘Much More Gooder Place’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- She was quite literally almost not confirmed, and...

Biden Says Stacey Abrams Can Be “Secretary of Whatever the Fuck She Wants”

In just 14 days, Joe Biden will become the 46th President...

Ted Cruz Hands Arsonist Gas and Matches and Tells Him to Stop Setting Fire to Stuff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He would later tell reporters he "wasn't quite...

Babies Insist That Babies Get What Babies Want Just Because Babies Want Them

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," the shouts from the angry mob could...

Matt Gaetz Blames Antifa for His Inability to Show Up To Work Sober

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A visually intoxicated Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Trump's Taint)...

FDA Approves New Drug for Patriots Suffering from Insurrectile Dysfunction

Did you recently storm the capitol, vandalize it, harass the police,...