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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Lifestyle

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a few facts about American politics: It's largely a two-party system We vote for presidents once every four years The popular vote doesn't always decide the president Democrats started the KKK...
Lifestyle

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as "Sleepy Joe" being so frequently unable to keep himself awake, they're missing the larger point. Trump has once again started blazing a trail..." There's a hot new trend among conservatives, and...
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Arts & Entertainment

12 Pictures of Kittens So Cute You’ll Want to Punch a Nun

Around this office, we're big fans of cute little kittens. You could say we...
MAGA News

Trump Boasts More People Will Die from His ‘Biggest and Best’ Pandemic Than Any Other President’s Pandemic

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For a couple of weeks now, President Donald Trump and his...
The Democrats

DNC Says Next Presidential Debate Will Be Bare Chested Brawl Between Biden and Sanders

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has decided that the next debate in...
MAGA News

Trump Now Requires Everyone to Get Coronavirus Test Before Kissing His Ass

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has instituted a new White House visitation policy...
MAGA News

CDC Recommends Americans Quarantine Themselves From President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  The Centers for Disease Control issued new guidance this morning, urging...
Lifestyle

Toddler Doesn’t Give a Fuck

LINCOLN, INDIANA -- He doesn't give a fuck.  He doesn't give a fuck what you...
Lifestyle

Town Goes Nuts for Local Man’s Pubic Topiaries

CHEVEUX DU SUD, LOUISIANA -- For the last several days, the gallery in artist...
Science & Medicine

Man Buys All of Store’s Toilet Paper and Canned Chili to Survive Coronavirus Quarantine

MIERDALIQUIDA VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A grocery store on Main Street has reported that one...
MAGA News

Stephen Miller Announces He’s Immune to Human Mutation of Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The president's Senior White Power Adviser has announced that he is...
Arts & Entertainment

Iconic Rock Band Enters Corporate Partnership With McDonald’s

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Representatives for the band Fleetwood Mac announced a new corporate partnership...
MAGA News

Trump Accuses Obama/Biden of Creating Coronavirus as ‘Part of a Flu Coup’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While the country continues to brace itself and prepare for a...
Economy

Trump Worries ‘Obama’s Stock Market Crash’ Will Tank His Economy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told the American people today on the front...
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Latest articles

Lifestyle

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...
Lifestyle

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...
Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)