Search
HomeAuthorsPosts by James Schlarmann

James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
facebookinstagramtiktokyoutube
https://linktr.ee/jamboschlarmbo
Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less a long-distance relationship with your cult leader's dick?" A lot of folks online have been noticing that elected congressional Republicans have been showing up to support Donald Trump while he's put...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that training at The New School might have paid off." Well, the stage seems to be set for at least a couple of debates between incumbent President Joe Biden and the man...
spot_img

Keep exploring

Science & Medicine

Quarantined Cruise Passenger: Ship Talent Show ‘Far Worse’ Than Coronavirus Outbreak

ST. FRANK, CALIFORNIA -- When she boarded the Queen's Line cruise liner in Hawaii,...
Lifestyle

Update: There Are Still LEGO On The Goddamned Floor

EL PIESANGRIENTO, CALIFORNIA -- Sources are confirming at the time of publications that, despite...
Economy

Federal Reserve Funds $1.5 Trillion in Universal Bank Care

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In bold, decisive action this week, the Federal Reserve Bank authorized...
Lifestyle

Married Couple Might Get to Fuck Again Some Day

SAN GUILLERMO, CALIFORNIA -- Neither one of them are to blame, when you get...
Business

Trump Accuses ‘Mr. Dow Jones’ of Being a Never Trumper

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump lashed out angrily at "Mr. Dow Jones" in...
MAGA News

White House Wants Bill Outlawing Abortion After Point Of Erection

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  At a prayer breakfast in the nation's capital today, the country's...
Arts & Entertainment

Coronavirus Nominated for Best Virus In a Best Actor in a Lead Role

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- The novel coronavirus woke up to perhaps the best news in...
MAGA News

Trump Asks Joint Chiefs If U.S. Can ‘Nuke Coronavirus Like a Hurricane’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Projecting an air of confidence and competence has been a mainstay...
Criminal Justice

Petition to Put Harvey Weinstein In Epstein’s Prison Cell Reaches Six Million Signatures

NEW YORK -- This week, a petition to put disgraced Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein...
MAGA News

Trump Boys All Set To Go Bear Hunting on Trip to New York Stock Exchange

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- "We're goin' on a bear hunt, Daddy," Eric Trump...
Arts & Entertainment

12 Pictures of Kittens So Cute You’ll Want to Punch a Nun

Around this office, we're big fans of cute little kittens. You could say we...
MAGA News

Trump Boasts More People Will Die from His ‘Biggest and Best’ Pandemic Than Any Other President’s Pandemic

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For a couple of weeks now, President Donald Trump and his...
Load more

Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)