300 lb. Toddler Throws 90-Minute Tantrum

CLEVELAND, OHIO — A massive, 300-pound orange toddler stood on a stage with former Vice President Joe Biden last night and threw what scholars and historians are calling the longest, most prolonged tantrum in American history.

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In theory, the night’s event was intended to be debate between two presidential candidates from the country’s major political parties. Such debates are a practice and tradition going back several generations. Televised presidential debates started in the 1960 election between Democrat John F. Kennedy and Republican Richard M. Nixon. It’s unclear at this time, however, if anyone let President Donald Trump know that he was supposed to debate former Vice President Joe Biden, because what he did for the most part was throw his temper tantrum.

Beginning almost from the very outset of the debate, Trump harassed Biden. He interrupted not only the former vice president at several points, he interrupted debate moderator and Fox News anchor Chris Wallace. The president’s interruptions and loud talking over him eventually brought forceful attempts by Biden to get Trump to stop.

“Will you shut up, man,” Biden asked at one point.

Trump did not shut up, in any way.

Parts of the president’s tantrum dovetailed into conspiracy theories and Russian disinformation peddling. In one specific exchange, Trump’s tantum turned into a baiting tirade in which he accused Biden’s son, Hunter, of taking three and a half million dollars from the mayor of Moscow. It was a charge that Vice President Biden forcefully rebuked, and tried repeatedly to state has been discredit, but Trump’s tantrum would drown Biden out at times.

At first, it seemed Wallace was overwhelmed by Trump’s tantruming. By about the mid-way point in the debate, however, even he was clearly starting to feel frustrated by the petulance, rudeness, and obnoxious behavior of the president. For the rest of the night, Wallace would repeatedly attempt to get Trump to behave. In one moment between Wallace and the president, the Fox News host reminded the president that his team agreed to the terms of the debate, and that he should abide by them.

Trump’s tantruming was so prolonged, and pervaded so much of the night’s events, that CNN host Dana Bash surmised once it had finished that the debate was a “shit show.” Perhaps one of the most memorable and enduring moments from the debate came when Wallace asked Trump, point blank, whether he would condemn white supremacy. Biden has said many times he decided to enter the presidential race when he saw Trump’s now infamous “good people on both sides” commentary about the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, North Carolina back in 2017. The rally turned violent when counter-protesters showed up, and a young woman was killed when a pro-Trump white supremacist ran her over with his car.

There are currently two more presidential tantrums scheduled to take place between now and the election on November 3rd. Current polling shows Trump trailing nationally, and slipping in key battleground states.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.