Yearly Archives: 2019

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: “Cancer Can’t Make Me Resign Until It Leaves The Oval Office First”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent three...

Trump: “I Didn’t Consider Nuking Hurricanes Because Everyone Knows You Nuke Tornadoes”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This past weekend, Axios published a story that suggested President...

Man Chanting ‘Send Her Back’ Can’t Locate His Home State on a Map

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Last night, right-wing podcaster, commentator, and...

Mexican Government Releases Detailed Audit of How Much They’ve Paid for Trump’s Wall So Far

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- The federal government of Mexico has published...

Trump Hires Goon to Steal Greenland From Denmark and Hide It In the Alamo Basement

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump, having been rebuffed on multiple...

Senator Lindsey Graham Demonstrates How Much He’s Willing to Suck Up to Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Whatever happened between the 2016 presidential primary season...

Emergency Crews Working To Remove Jeff Sessions From Package of E.L. Fudge Cookies

When an accident occurred at the Keebler cookie company, Attorney Jeff Sessions needed some quick rescuing.

Trump Calls Domino’s Pizza “The Enemy of the People” for Forgetting His Hot Wing Dipping Sauce

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The list of people, businesses, and government officials...

Trump Hereby Orders Burger King to Always Give Him Extra Ketchup Packets

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, President Trump broke yet new rhetorical ground...