Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media

James Schlarmann
By James Schlarmann

WASHINGTON, D.C. — He doesn’t have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much less Twitter, to give an account to the president. Historically, the American people have looked at their chief executive as someone with enormous power, but who is also no better than they are and therefore subject to the same rules as everyone else. Yet, despite all of this, the whiny cunt who currently resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue cannot stop complaining about social media, while using social media.

This especially whiny cunt has a well-documented adverse relationship with the truth. Media outlets have counted no less than 18,000 false statements — lies to the rest of humanity — that he’s made in the time he’s been in office. Many of those 18,000 statements were made, or amplified by his Twitter account. Apparently, getting to tell more than 18,000 lies unchecked wasn’t enough for the Whiny Cunt in Chief, however, and when Twitter finally decided to put a fact-check on a tweet he posted about mail-in balloting, the septuagenarian toddler threw all his toys out of the crib, and began to pitch a fit truly for the ages.

The tweet heard ’round the world.

Since his first tweet was fact-checked, President Bitch Baby has whine-rage-tweeted about it 24 times. In contrast, the president tweeted once, a day later, when the U.S. death toll in the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak eclipsed 100,000 Americans.

More: Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”

Cunty Larue’s allies in congress and in the media have amplified his whining, and started doing his whining for him. President Baby Tantrums made sure to use the same social media platform he claims is oppressing him to signal-boost his sycophants’ co-opting of his whiny complaints about how tech nerds are calling out his incessant stream of bullshit.

After a short time, however, egomaniacs need to have the spotlight, and the Egomaniac in Chief is no exception. It wasn’t long before he was doing the whining himself again.

This magnificently mediocre sack of stupid was so outraged at having his lies exposed just one time out of 18,000 that he decided there was no other recourse than to bully a private company into hosting his diatribes, screeds, and hateful rants. For some reason, 30% of the country thought he should wield enormous power, and he decided to bring that power to bear on social media companies in an unenforceable, easily unconstitutional way. That didn’t mean he would be trepidatious about trampling on Twitter and Facebook’s rights to decide what content they host their own servers; he went big with the theatrics, teasing an executive order that would mean a “Big Day for Social Media and FAIRNESS!”

Shortly before signing the executive whine, Cunty Larue got one more complain-filled tweet in. He also decided to use his power to direct targeted harassment at a Twitter employee that he and his base firmly believe is the one who makes decisions about what content is allowed on the site. That kind of harassment is, according to the Twitter terms of service, not allowed.

Finally, it was time for the Complaining-Ass Boomer in Chief to sign his pointless executive order.

It wasn’t long before his bitch-ass needed some adulation for his attempt to step on the neck of a private company and force them to tacitly endorse his lies. So the tangerine-tinted twatwaffle retweeted one of his favorite fellow racist old white men.

However, 19 tweets about the subject just weren’t enough for him, and so the allegedly busiest man in the free world decided he needed to fire off some more.

Then, just when Americans thought the obstinate asshole in the White House couldn’t do anything more cringe-inducing on social media, he decided to threaten to shoot looters who were protesting over the murder of George Floyd, an unarmed black suspect, by a white Minneapolis cop. Protests have turned violent as citizens wait to find out of the four police officers involved will face any consequences for their conduct.

Twitter decided that Bone Spurs McGillicuddy gleefully threatening to shoot people for property crimes, which are not capital offenses, was glorifying violence, which is a violation of their terms of service, and they censored the president’s tweet.

Perhaps predictably, this caused yet another lashing out by the forever-whining fuckface. He tweeted another three times in an hour about how unfairly he believes he’s being treated on a social media platform he does not need to perform his job, and that was done by 43 of the previous 44 presidents without one.

As per his usual, President Stupidfuck T. Moron saved his most erudite and intellectual arguments for near the end of his days-long pants-shitting.

It’s unclear at this time if the alleged President of the United States will get any actual work done today. However, it was just announced that he’ll hold a press conference this afternoon, so the prognosis for presidential work effort is quite grim. We will update this story as it progresses.

More: Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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