WASHINGTON, D.C. — The department of government tasked with keeping the United States’ slogans up to date and relevant has announced that one of the nation’s most prized and often used axioms will be undergoing substantial, fundamental redesigns over the next few weeks. The US Department of Slogans told reporters at its annual conference earlier this week that they’d be taking “Thanks, Obama,” and retooling it to fit in with the new Donald Trump administration.
“Thanks Obama will become Fuckin’ Trump the moment Mr. Trump is sworn in,” Phillip McMasterson of the USDS told reporters, “and Thanks Obama will be retired in our Hall of Old School Phrases alongside I Like Ike and Get Some Dick (Nixon) In The White House.”
McMasterson told the press that Fuckin’ Trump will be used in a “similar but different fashion” as Thanks, Obama. Both are meant to be sarcastic and chiding of the president, but Fuckin’ Trump will be used in situations where it’s “almost impossible to rationalize” the alleged billionaire’s behavior.
“Like, take for instance if he were dumb enough to tweet that people who burn the flag should be imprisoned or lose their citizenship,” McMasterson said, “that would be the perfect time to say, ‘Fuckin’ Trump.'”
Mr. McMasterson then gave some more examples of situations in the future where Americans might consider using the newly-minted “Fuckin’ Trump.”
“Let’s say you wake up one day and find out President Trump has declare nuclear war on San Francisco, the city,” McMasterson said, “that’s the universe handing you a chance to say ‘Fuckin’ Trump’ and shake your head. Or if he decides one day that the Constitution only applies to people who voted for him — Fuckin’ Trump. Get what I’m saying?”
After admitting some of his examples were “perhaps more far-fetched” than something Trump might really be able to say or do while in office, McMasterson gave some more plausible examples.
“He repeals Obamacare and throws millions of people into turmoil without health insurance,” McMasterson said, “and that’s a Fuckin’ Trump. He breaks the Paris climate accords because he gets a funny feeling or a wild hair up his ass? Fuckin’ Trump. It’s really pretty universally applied to nearly everything he’s said or done thus far.”
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