To Save Trump’s Business Empire, It’s Time to Hand Control to Taylor Swift

Published on

Clearly, nobody currently on Team Trump has any idea how to run a business legally. So even if a New York judge does decide to let the Trump Klan continue to do business in the state, it would only be a matter of time before that business was shuttered, unless the ex-president and his crotch-fruit decided to do illegal things to keep it afloat.

Hear me out.

Obviously, there is nothing more important, nothing more relevant to the continued survival of the Republic than Donald Trump’s business empire. Sure, it’s built on a lifetime of nepotistic built-in advantages that were ultimately flushed away each time he started and ran a business into the ground. Sure, he bankrupted a casino, which kind of proves he probably shouldn’t even be a “businessman” to begin with, but if you ask the assembled, unwashed, red-hatted patriotic masses if Trump were to be treated like any other lifelong conman would be treated once the long arm of the law caught up to them, those consequences would spell the end of freedom, the death of liberty, and the conclusion of the American Experiment.

Clearly, nobody currently on Team Trump has any idea how to run a business legally. So even if a New York judge does decide to let the Trump Klan continue to do business in the state, it would only be a matter of time before that business was shuttered, unless the ex-president and his crotch-fruit decided to do illegal things to keep it afloat. And other than “all the time,” when has that happened?

I completely believe the MAGA movement when they tell us that Donald Trump losing his business empire would literally be the worst thing to ever happen on this continent. You know, if you discount the wars and slavery and whatnots. At any rate, because I truly buy into the notion that the Trump Organization simply cannot go under, there’s just one very simple solution to this whole mess.

The judge should make Taylor Swift CEO of all Trump businesses. The upsides to this proposal are unending.

Think about it.

Trump’s businesses would be run by an actual billionaire, not a pretend one. Also, Taylor clearly knows how to be rich and successful, while Donny only knows how to pretend to be both. Then there’s the fact that Taylor presumably knows how to read and spell and doesn’t want to fuck her own daughter. Although…she doesn’t have a daughter yet, so I should probably reserve judgement on that aspect until when or if she does.

Still, I imagine it might be scary at first, for Trump’s businesses and those who run them currently. Any time a new boss comes in, people who have already been working at any place of business might be afraid they’ll lose their jobs. Who knows? Maybe new CEO Taylor Swift will make drastic cuts, but I think in a lot of ways, not much will change.

Swifties are very devoted to Taylor like MAGAs are devoted to Don. What’s one cult of personality for another? Then again, I can’t recall the last time a bunch of T-Swift fans stormed Capitol Records demanding they sign her immediately to a lifelong contract, so maybe I’m not done thinking this whole thing through just yet.

Follow James on TikTokYouTubeBlueSkyPostFacebookInstagram, and Elon Musk’s Nazi Chat Site.

 

Latest articles

I’m a Single Issue Voter, and It’s Enabling Right-Wing Authoritarians If I Don’t Get My Way

The following piece was submitted to us by reader Gary Neophite, who describes himself...

Alabama Authorities Are Looking for Me Because They Found Out I Had a Wet Dream

"I can't tell you where I'm at, or how long I'll be here, but...

I Just Got a Sneak Peak at Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Signature Shoe Line

"I lied to him and told him that I was a friend of the...

Why Aren’t Liberals Grateful to Live in the World’s Most Exceptional Shooting Range?

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and former NRA executive board member...