LONDON, ENGLAND — President Donald Trump is in the United Kingdom following an explosive and contentious NATO summit, and reportedly is facing massive protest crowds — estimated in the tens of thousands — that dwarf even that of the throng of supporters who watched his inauguration.
“According to the National Department of Estimates, there are more people here in London protesting President Trump than were in Washington, D.C. to watch him be sworn in,” Sir Richard Flufflebottom, Official High Counter of the NDE told reporters this morning. “We had our tallies checked not once, not twice, but thrice, and they all came up the same way each time — bigger protest crowd than inauguration crowd.”
Sir Flufflebottom, who has worked in the British government’s official office of estimation, guesses, and hypotheses for thirty years and was knighted for his service by HRH Queen Elizabeth in 1997, told reporters from both sides of the pond that he’s personally never seen “such a clear cut case” before.
“It’s not even close, really,” Flufflebottom said. “Not that I’m surprised, mind you. Just based on a naked eyeball count with none of my special gadgets and computation machines one can tell a lot more people don’t like this man than like him.”
It might surprise President Trump, but one of the things he likes to brag about most — his razor thin Electoral College victory — is also evidence that backs up the initial theory that he was protested by more Londoners than Americans who saw his inauguration.
Report: Trump Supporters Penises Are 2 Inches Smaller Than Nationwide Average
“The thing is, they might not use the popular vote tally to determine who wins their presidential elections,” Flufflebottom explained, “but you can’t ignore the math that shows far more people voted against him than for him. So why he, or anyone in his administration, would be shocked by massive protests of his agenda and actions is beyond me. Luckily, it’s not my department’s job to find answers to those kinds of questions; we just count stuff after we guess what the count will be.”
The NDE is also tracking one more estimation, Flufflebottom said, and he expects to have results of the counts and tallies soon.
“We think there may have been more people in the Donald Trump Jr. so-called adoption meeting at Trump Tower, but we’re still working to confirm that at this time,” Flufflebottom said.
The White House did not respond to requests for comment.
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.News, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.
