“I lied to him and told him that I was a friend of the Sasquatch lawyer that Kari Lake hired to try and get the results of the 2020 Arizona presidential and gubernatorial races overturned, and that made him trust me enough to send me pictures of Marjorie’s shoe line.”
When ex-President Donald Trump arrived at the 2024 SneakerCon — a convention of shoe fanatics — and held up a pair of gaudy, golden tennis shoes emblazoned with a “T,” which I think stands for “tremendously criminally liable for rape and a failed coup,” a lot of people were taken aback. Selling for about $400 a pair, it would take Trump selling about a million and a half pairs of his shoes to cover the legal fines he owes to the woman he sexually assaulted and defamed, as well as the people of New York for defrauding them over decades in shady business practices.
Many wondered if there can really be enough people out there able to afford $400 tennis shoes at enough of a clip for him to be able to even make a dent in the $100,000 a day in interest his fraud penalties incur. Still others have wondered if anyone will ever see a single shoe they pay for, given Trump’s reluctance to deliver on anything he promises. But one plucky congresswoman — who happens to be a High Priestess in the MAGA Cult — simply took inspiration from her Dear Leader and is releasing her own signature shoe line.
I have a few friends in the shoe business, so I called around looking to see a preview of Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene’s shoe line. Greene teased the shoes during a recent podcast and klan rally held at Alex Jone’s house, inside Dan Bongino’s asshole. But none of my contacts in the shoe biz could find them. That’s when I got a hunch.
I started calling stables and blacksmiths all over the country.
Finally, after about three days of calling, I found the blacksmith in Bedford Forest, Georgia who designed Marjorie’s new shoe line. I lied to him and told him that I was a friend of the Sasquatch lawyer that Kari Lake hired to try and get the results of the 2020 Arizona presidential and gubernatorial races overturned, and that made him trust me enough to send me pictures of Marjorie’s shoe line.
To say they’re ugly is an understatement. I can certainly see how they’re functional and study though. It’s just that they’re kinda plain looking. Also, if I’m being honest, they don’t look all that comfortable, and the blacksmith told me they have to be nailed into your feet to wear them. Ouchie!
As much as I wouldn’t buy her shoes because they’re so ugly and not comfortable, I also wouldn’t buy Margo’s shoes because the proceeds go to local Moms for Liberty orgy parties and Trump’s legal defense fund. We all get to choose where our dollars go, and who they support, so I’m making my choice. Though, it’s a free country and if you have a want or need for some Marjorie Shoes, then by all means, cash that Social Security check and buy them.
As ugly as her shoes are, I will say they aren’t without some value. After all, for $400 you can get two Trump shoes, but for $150 and/or a bag of oats, you can own four — count ’em four — Marjorie Shoes. That’s a bargain if I ever heard one.
Sure, most people can’t wear them, and could only wear two at a time even if they had the right biology, but it’s the culty thought that counts, isn’t it?
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