WASHINGTON, D.C. — An orange-faced, alleged billionaire and angry orangutan lashed out on Twitter this weekend, attacking the free press.
The orangutan in question first became famous in America for using his parents’ wealth to tread water in life, never really achieving much more than infamy, and ultimately becoming the butt of pop culture references. The tangerine skinned beast was unable to keep even casinos open and profitable, and by the 1980’s and 1990’s, only Russian banks would do business with him, as he was seen as a bad credit risk. By the start of the 21st century, the bitter old orangutan was relegated to hosting a predictable, and increasingly less popular reality-TV series called “The Apprentice.”
To make his first entry onto the world political stage, the irascible elderly orangutan became the de facto leader of the “Birther” movement, which claimed that former President Barack Obama was in fact Kenyan, and not American. The movement was easily discredited, but it took the bitter primate years to admit it, and he spent most of Obama’s term allegedly hiring private investigators to track down Obama’s “real” birth certificate, and generally kept a very racist rumor alive on the lips of rank and file Republicans for years.
In a series of tweets beginning back on December 9th, the tangerine tinted tyrant laid into several news outlets he accuses of being “fake.” The spiteful, carrot stained primate accused CNN, ABC, and others of “gross incompetence” and making a “purposeful mistake.”
Fake News CNN made a vicious and purposeful mistake yesterday. They were caught red handed, just like lonely Brian Ross at ABC News (who should be immediately fired for his “mistake”). Watch to see if @CNN fires those responsible, or was it just gross incompetence?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2017
CNN seemed to really get under the the paltry-fingered, obsessive compulsive, likely senile, very upset and agitated orangutan’s skin, and he lashed out even further at them.
CNN’S slogan is CNN, THE MOST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS. Everyone knows this is not true, that this could, in fact, be a fraud on the American Public. There are many outlets that are far more trusted than Fake News CNN. Their slogan should be CNN, THE LEAST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2017
When a reporter for The Washington Post tweeted a picture of a nearly empty arena where a rally for the orangutan was set to be held, and it turned out that photo was from hours before the rally, the peach colored piss ant who rather appropriately likes Russian whore piss was incensed and attacked the reporter, who had already apologized and deleted the tweet.
.@DaveWeigel @WashingtonPost put out a phony photo of an empty arena hours before I arrived @ the venue, w/ thousands of people outside, on their way in. Real photos now shown as I spoke. Packed house, many people unable to get in. Demand apology & retraction from FAKE NEWS WaPo! pic.twitter.com/XAblFGh1ob
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2017
Even though the picture the reporter used was genuine, just from a less relevant time in the night of the rally, the enraged septuagenarian lashed out again, demanding he be fired, despite that kind of thing being regarded as beneath the dignity of the office the orangutan holds.
.@daveweigel of the Washington Post just admitted that his picture was a FAKE (fraud?) showing an almost empty arena last night for my speech in Pensacola when, in fact, he knew the arena was packed (as shown also on T.V.). FAKE NEWS, he should be fired.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2017
A few hours later, the coral dyed half-pig, half-orangutan, whole douchebag was tweeting about how great the economy that he inherited from the man he trolled with a racist rumor for nearly a decade is doing. The orangutan made sure to take a shot at the “Fake News” who he says purposefully doesn’t cover how well the economy is doing so he doesn’t get credit for it.
Things are going really well for our economy, a subject the Fake News spends as little time as possible discussing! Stock Market hit another RECORD HIGH, unemployment is now at a 17 year low and companies are coming back into the USA. Really good news, and much more to come!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 10, 2017
In a final bit of tantrum rage, the angry orangutan called the press, an institution protected by the Constitution of the United States of America in its very first amendment, a “stain on America.”
Very little discussion of all the purposely false and defamatory stories put out this week by the Fake News Media. They are out of control – correct reporting means nothing to them. Major lies written, then forced to be withdrawn after they are exposed…a stain on America!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 10, 2017
UPDATE: As this item was being written, the orangutan sent yet another tweet, outraged by a story in The New York Times he called fake. The story involved his television watching habits.
Another false story, this time in the Failing @nytimes, that I watch 4-8 hours of television a day – Wrong! Also, I seldom, if ever, watch CNN or MSNBC, both of which I consider Fake News. I never watch Don Lemon, who I once called the “dumbest man on television!” Bad Reporting.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 11, 2017
A deputy managing editor for The Times responded to the orangutan’s tweet, saying the paper stands by its reporting.
We at The New York Times stand by our reporting, sourced from interviews with 60 advisers, associates, friends and members of Congress.
Read The New York Times story: https://t.co/NXxcra88y8— Cliff Levy (@cliffordlevy) December 11, 2017
No word from the D.C. Zoo as to when they expect the angry, orange, Russian puppet orangutan to be contained and brought back into captivity.
