WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last night, President Donald Trump welcomed French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife to the White House for the first official state dinner in the Trump Era.
Despite telling the country during his presidential campaign that he wouldn’t be holding many state dinners, which he said are a waste of taxpayer dollars, Trump extended the invitation to Mr. Macron earlier this year. By all accounts the dinner went off without a hitch. That is, other than a brief moment of unexpected but intense sexual arousal between the two heads of state.
Sources close to the situation say the tension has resolved itself now, but that it was “certainly surprising and a little off putting,” according to one person attending the dinner.
“The dinner was going really well. Everyone was enjoying the food and having some light, casual conversations,” a White House aide told us via Skype. “At one point, the two presidents were sitting next to each other, chatting, and President Trump asked President Macron a question.”
That’s when things took a turn for the sexy, the aide told us.
“President Trump asked President Macron if he enjoyed the soup, and all Macron did was say ‘Yes, yes’ in response,” another White House official told us. “President Trump asked Macron to repeat himself, because the president wasn’t sure he heard President Macron right.”
Macron reportedly repeated his answer.
“Oui, oui, Mr. President,” Macron said. “Oui, oui.”
Trump began rubbing his crotch in an irritated way. A zoologist in attendance said it reminded her of when an ape rubs his genitals to show sexual arousal. Macron noticed, and asked President Trump what he was doing.
“You keep saying one of my trigger phrases, Manny,” Trump told his French counterpart. “Every time you answer my question, I get a little more turgidity in my trousers.”
President Macron didn’t quite understand.
“I’m sorry Donald, I don’t quite understand,” Macron said. “All I did was answer your question about the soup.”
Trump smiled.
“You mean the split PEA soup? It’s how you answered it, Manny,” Trump replied. “What can I say? It just got my engine revving.”
Trump moved in closer to Macron.
“But all I said was oui, oui,” Macron said. An audible grunt was heard from Trump. “Wait. Wait a minute.”
Macron had a thought.
“Yes, yes,” Macron said.
There was no response from Trump.
“Oui, oui,” Macron said next. Another audible grunt from President Trump. “Oui…oui.”
Trump grunted again, moving even closer to Macron.
“Borscht,” Macron said. Trump edged even closer still, his grunts becoming more like moans. “Moscow, The Kremlin.”
With each word Trump grew more and more animated, rubbing his crotch harder and harder.
“Putin,” Macron said.
Trump began wailing and writhing in his chair.
“Yes! Yes! Yes,” Trump shouted. One aide said it reminded her of a famous scene from When Harry Met Sally.
Sensing the need to end the incident quickly, Macron had an idea.
“40 year old women,” Macron said. Trump began calming down immediately. “Poor people. Poor people of color. Someone not talking about you or paying attention to you.”
Soon, things were back to normal between the two men. They shared some more pleasantries, and the state dinner finished without further incident.
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