“No, that’s not antisemitic. All the Jews I keep on my payroll think it’s funny …I’m told it’s much funnier than that one word I used to use for them…” President/king Donald J. Trump
The King God President of the United States has had plenty of blame to dole out to guilty parties of late. Yesterday’s White Nationalism House press conference gave his Royal Rapist in Chief the opportunity to assign some of that blame to those he feels are most guilty.
“There’s actually a lot of similar-ness there, if you think about it, between the You-Crane and that whole Holocaust thing,” HRH Donald Trump explained to reporters assembled in a formal reception hall.
“If the You-Crane hadn’t started that awful war with my dear friend Vladimir, there’d be peace wherever Russia had seized You-Cranium territory, wouldn’t there?”
Mr. Trump paused for a moment to lunge, two-fisted, at a bottle of water on the lectern in front of him. Though just an average-sized bottle of water, it seemed too unwieldy for Our Glorious Dear Führer, and he slowly, shakily, heaved it up to his pursed lips. After guzzling down a few hearty gulps, evoking thoughts of a toddler drinking from their sippy cup in a similar fashion, Trump continued.
“Same deal with the Bagel Eaters.”
A shocked hush fell among the reporters. King Trump noticed that his joke didn’t land. Like all good comedians, he then proceeded to defend and dissect it, ensuring that his loyal subjects would “get” the joke once he was done.
“Oh, oh. No, that’s not antisemitic. All the Jews I keep on my payroll think it’s funny when I call them Bagel Eater, okay? I’m told it’s much funnier than that one word I used to use for them until my cuck-in-law Jared married my BEAUTIFUL IVANKA, in fact. So, calm your tits, everyone.”
Trump once again took a shaky, two-handed gulp of water.
“As I was saying before you all so rudely got offended by my joke, You-Crane should have thought different about going to war with Russia, and the Jews really should have never started the Holocaust with Hitler, probably, don’t you think?”
Trump staffers rushed reporters out of the room, explaining it was time for the president’s late-day fartnap.
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