A party hosted by Threads will also be going on at the same time as the party hosted by X, but a lot fewer people will be attending that one.
With his second term officially underway, it’s time for President/King/Supreme Rapist Donald J. Trump to party like it’s 1899, and all his favorite tech barons are in town to help him do just that!
Joining the 46th and 47th smartest president of all-time in the nation’s capital for an evening of dancing, drinking, and testicular juggling are the CEOs of some of the biggest and most influential tech companies. X, Meta, TikTok, Microsoft, and Apple are all represented by their billionaire chief executives, and word is going to be a hot time in the oligarchy tonight!
First up, the Adjudicated Rapist-in-Chief is scheduled for a thirty minute “fluff-and-buff” with X CEO and Actual President When Vladimir Putin Is Too Busy Elon Musk. We asked Elon via X what a “fluff-and-buff” is, but he quote-tweeted us, called us cucks, and asked his millions of followers to send us death threats instead of answering. Sources we spoke to said it likely involves Trump’s aging taint region and the apartheid baby billionaire’s mouth hole.
Once Musk is done doing whatever he’s going to do with Trump’s genitals, the two will be whisked away to a Super 8 Motel lobby meet and greet, hosted by X. It’s expected to be an intimate but rowdy gathering of the convicted felon Trump’s most loyal and ardent political allies. While he’s expected to attend, there’s no word on whether Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) will be going with his ugly wife, Heidi.
Just as the night is getting started at the Super 8 lobby party, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg is on the docket to gargle Trump’s scrotum for about forty-five minutes on the way to a swanky shindig hosted by Facebook and Instagram. A party hosted by Threads will also be going on at the same time as the party hosted by X, but a lot fewer people will be attending that one.
Next, Apple CEO Tim Cook will personally stroke Trump off while Microsoft founder Bill Gates reminisces with Trump about their times on Epstein Island together in the back of a limo on the way to a party hosted inside the largest venue that could be found — the inside of Dan Bongino’s skull.
We asked the Trump Regime if they think their boss will have the stamina to go to all the parties, receive all the sexual gratification, and post to social media at the same time. We were told that the 78-year-old Republican plans to take regular power-fart-naps in thirty minute intervals to keep his energy from flagging.
No word yet on the direction of gas or egg prices.
Take twenty minutes and watch this, would ya?!
