WASHINGTON, D.C. — White House Deputy Jr. Press Secretary Tom Thompaulsen told reporters in a briefing today that despite what it might look like to those observing President Donald Trump’s Twitter feed, he is “not at all concerned or freaking the fuck out” about an impending report from FBI special counsel Robert Mueller.
“Despite what it might look like when someone wakes up at 4am and starts angrily ranting, President Trump has never been in a more hinged, calm state of mind,” Thompaulsen told reporters. “It doesn’t matter how many tweets he sends in how short a period of time, he’s totally 100% okay and fine with the WITCH HUNT being led by approximately five hundred angry Democrats under Mueller.”
Beginning at just after 6am this morning, President Trump began tweeting about the Mueller probe. There is an expectation on the Hill that Mr. Mueller, a lifelong Republican despite what the president claims, will issue a report based on his investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election. Mueller’s investigation has yielded dozens of indictments and even ensnared Trump’s former personal lawyer — man the president once called his “fixer” — and Paul Manafort, a Kremlin-connected businessman who many have long suspected was integral in collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign.
Robert Mueller and Leakin’ Lyin’ James Comey are Best Friends, just one of many Mueller Conflicts of Interest. And bye the way, wasn’t the woman in charge of prosecuting Jerome Corsi (who I do not know) in charge of “legal” at the corrupt Clinton Foundation? A total Witch Hunt…
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
Ten minutes later, Trump had tweeted again.
….Will Robert Mueller’s big time conflicts of interest be listed at the top of his Republicans only Report. Will Andrew Weissman’s horrible and vicious prosecutorial past be listed in the Report. He wrongly destroyed people’s lives, took down great companies, only to be……..
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
It took Trump twelve minutes, but he eventually followed that tweet up with this one.
…..overturned, 9-0, in the United States Supreme Court. Doing same thing to people now. Will all of the substantial & many contributions made by the 17 Angry Democrats to the Campaign of Crooked Hillary be listed in top of Report. Will the people that worked for the Clinton….
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
Thirteen more minutes passed and the president tweeted again.
….Foundation be listed at the top of the Report? Will the scathing document written about Lyin’ James Comey, by the man in charge of the case, Rod Rosenstein (who also signed the FISA Warrant), be a big part of the Report? Isn’t Rod therefore totally conflicted? Will all of….
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
It took him another 22 minutes, but Trump eventually found the vocabulary he needed to follow-up with yet another tweet about Mueller’s investigation.
…the lying and leaking by the people doing the Report, & also Bruce Ohr (and his lovely wife Molly), Comey, Brennan, Clapper, & all of the many fired people of the FBI, be listed in the Report? Will the corruption within the DNC & Clinton Campaign be exposed?..And so much more!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
Finally, just about two and a half hours after he began his tweet-storm, Trump finished it, for the moment, with this one, below.
It has been incorrectly reported that Rudy Giuliani and others will not be doing a counter to the Mueller Report. That is Fake News. Already 87 pages done, but obviously cannot complete until we see the final Witch Hunt Report.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 7, 2018
“You guys ever read that story by Edgar Allan Poe, The Telltale Heart, where basically a murderer ends up confessing to the crime because of his paranoia about it,” Thompaulsen asked. “Oh, I was just bringing it up because it’s a story I like, is all. Just thought I’d bring it up right now and stuff. You get it.”
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.News, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.
