WASHINGTON, D.C. — The reelection campaign for President Mushroompenis Trump has rolled out a fresh new slogan, and it’s sure to create quite a buzz. In 2016, Trump’s catchphrase was, “Make America Great Again,” though he did try out a couple of other slogans before settling on MAGA.
“I still think ‘White, Tight, and Right’ was pretty good,” Jethro Bohiggins, a right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter recently told his audience, “and ‘Under His Eye’ were quite good, fam.”
Trump’s newest slogan is an attempt, it would appear, to play on the tensions he has created between himself and “The Squad,” four female freshmen members of the House of Representatives, all of them Democrats. All four are frequent outspoken critics of Trump. Rep. Ilhan Omar of Minnesota is the most frequent victim of Trump’s public invective. Though she is a naturalized citizen, Trump’s supporters recently chanted “Send Her Back” after the president’s tweets implying that the Squad should “go back” where they came from. The other three Squad members were born in the United States.
“Folks, I’m really bigly stoked to be announcing this new slogan,” Trump wrote in a fundraising email sent out late last night. “If you elect me again, I promise you, not only will we MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN AND KEEP AMERICA GREAT ONCE WE DO, we will adopt a hardline stance of, ‘If She’s Brown, Deport Her Now.'”
Later in the day, President Trump was seen walking the grounds of the White House. Reporters asked Trump what his new slogan is supposed to mean to the rest of America. Trump laughed so hard a fart came out of him.
“It means exactly what it sounds like — we deport brown women automatically if you criticize or make fun of me in any way,” Trump explained, “and Bill Barr, my personal friend and attorney, says that it’s very legal and very cool for me to do it. Because I’m president, you see, and guys like Barr believe if you happen to be elected president, you’re not above the law. It just doesn’t apply to you.”
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) found out about Trump’s new slogan and said she “hit the roof.” Speaker Pelosi told reporters this morning that the new slogan is “childish, immature, and stupid.” It’s also “dangerous, abusive, and beyond concerning.”
“I cannot commit to doing anything about it that requires even a scintilla of effort, though,” Pelosi warned Americans. “Because it’s not like the Constitution says I can inquire about impeachment unless it’s 100% certain we’re taking it to a full trial in the Senate, that the Senate will absolutely convict, and that literally every single American — man, woman, and child — is okay with it. Showing political courage isn’t what we Democrats stand for. That’s ludicrous.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”