“…I don’t know who gave anybody the idea that they’re allowed to just say whatever the hell they want about me, but that’s just not right.”
Is Oscar-winning actor Tom Hanks in hiding? Will he be sent to Gitmo with others that have been deported thanks to an executive order written by His Royal McNugget Hoarder, President Donald J. Trump?
Rumors are swirling that the man who played some of the most iconic roles in cinematic history could be facing federal charges of treason, stemming from his portrayal of a typical MAGA supporter. Hanks was tapped to perform during the recently broadcast 50th anniversary special for “Saturday Night Live,” and in a sketch based on the quiz show “Jeopardy,” he played a MAGA voter. The reaction from pro-Trump circles has been swift and angry against Hanks, many of whom feel betrayed not only them, but also one of his most cherished characters.
“I always identified with Forrest Gump,” right-wing podcaster Jethro Bohiggins told us. “Not only is stupid is as stupid does, stupid is as MAGA votes. Now, it seems like Mr. Hanks wants to crap all over America, freedom, bald eagles, and most importantly, our Godly King his-self. And I won’t have that Hollyweird freak libtard besmirching my coastal elite rapist president, fam!”
In an early morning ceremony, Trump signed the order that expressly bans what he called “treasonously accurate portrayals” of people while they appear on sketch comedy shows of any kind.
“It’s just beyond rude, and sad, really, if you think about it. I don’t know who gave anybody the idea that they’re allowed to just say whatever the hell they want about me,” Trump spat as he signed the order, “but that’s just not right. And my personal lawyer, Attorney General Pam Bondi? She says I’m right, and that the Consta-ma-tooch-in or whatever says I can put that Bosom Buddies guy in jail.”
We couldn’t reach Hanks or his reps before this story went to the literal presses where Internet-only satire blogs are printed like old school newspapers.
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