According to polls conducted by prominent conservative outlets like Fox News, OANN, and the various KKK pamphlets circulated by Stephen Miller in the White House parking lot, Trump has never been more popular.
It might tough for someone to choose what was the most embarrassing element of King President Donald Trump’s first tenure on the throne, when they have everything from two impeachments, a failed re-election and ensuing insurrection, a botched pandemic response, failed trade wars, and an unfinished, unpaid for Mexican/American border wall to choose from.
Those close to His Royal Fart-Napping Highness, however, know that it was his approval ratings that drove him craziest. No matter how much he decreed, demanded, and even ordered his subjects to shower him with unending love, his first reich was marred with historically low approval ratings, thanks to the cucks who wrote the First Amendment’s promise of free speech and expression, even if it hurts billionaire rapist’s feelings. Going into his second term, even after he was installed by the richest man in the world, according to sources within the White House, Trump was still very afraid of where his approval ratings would land.
“You know, he pretends like he doesn’t care what people think about him, but that’s quite literally the only thing he cares about,” one anonymous staffer told us in an email today.
“It would drive him bonkers, every day, wondering why no matter what he did, he couldn’t convince more than 40% of the population he wasn’t a massive bowel obstruction in an ill-fitting suit.”
If President Trump was worried about his approval ratings before this past weekend, then a new spate of polls should turn his frown upside down. According to polls conducted by prominent conservative outlets like Fox News, OANN, and the various KKK pamphlets circulated by Stephen Miller in the White House parking lot, Trump has never been more popular.
At least among the worst people on the planet.
“We’re extremely pleased to see that within certain voting blocs – rapists, Jesus Nazis, traitors, and morons, the president has never been more popular,” White House Press Secretary Caroline Lolita Leavitt told reporters today.
“We’ve always known these key demographics were vital to his success, but to have the numbers to back that assumption up is a real feather in our pointy white hoods.”
To celebrate his poll numbers, Trump issued a new proclamation via Truth Social.
“I hereby decree that my approval ratings are the best of any president ever,” Trump boasted.
“That’s past, present, or even future. Unless my future poll numbers are higher, and I can assure you, they will be, or there will be HELL TO PAY.”
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