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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Criminal Justice

Qanon Shaman Left Waiting for Q Instructions After Being Sentenced

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a shocking turn of events, the Qanon Shaman was sentenced to...
Pew Pew!

Condolences Overwhelmed Rep. Thomas Massie’s Office After He Publicized His Micro-Penis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Thomas Massie (Q-KY) is being cheered by his colleagues on...
Criminal Justice

Santa Updates 2021 Naughty List Infractions to Include “Inciting or Participating in a Coup”

THE NORTH POLE -- Santa Claus has what could be very bad news for...
Women's Rights

Fauci Warns MAGAs: You Can Get Omicron from Cousin Despite Taking Ivermectin or Wearing Condom

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Appearing before the Senate Oversight and Pumpkin Pie Recipe Committee this...
Religion

God Sends Venmo Request for $600,000 to Joel Osteen

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway, President and CEO of Holy Trinity,...
MAGA News

Dr. Oz Hopeful Republican Voters Still Like Electing Snake Oil Peddling Douchebags

This week, Dr. Oz, who rose to prominence and fame thanks to regular appearances...
Science & Medicine

In Hindsight, Crossing Horse, Demon, and Nazi DNA Was Probably a Bad Idea

The following is an excerpt from a new book entitled, "Making a Monster," written...
Women's Rights

Justice Barrett Will Let Her Husband Decide Her Vote on Mississippi Abortion Law

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's unclear whether it was her intention to do so, but...
Science & Medicine

BOMBSHELL: Donald Trump Tested Positive for Stupidity Hours Before 2020 Debate

In a newly published excerpt from his upcoming memoir from the time he served...
Pew Pew!

Michigan High School Hosts America’s Most Recent Mass Second Amendment Demonstration

OXFORD, MICHIGAN -- Three students are dead, and six others have been injured in...
Women's Rights

Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the first time in decades, the United States Supreme Court...
War on Christmas

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an official signing ceremony held in the Oval Office, President...
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)