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Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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Tucker Carlson Asks When Joe Biden Will Take Responsibility for The People Trump Let Die From Covid

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent time during his...

Report: Is Donald Trump Gonna Cry About It?

Is Donald Trump going to cry about it? The signs are unclear right now,...

The Actual Jesus Christ Wrote This Letter to Kayleigh McEnany and Asked Us to Publish It For Him

The following was received by this outlet late last night. After contacting the offices...

Disappointed Stephen Miller Finds Out the Klan Doesn’t Offer Healthcare or 401kkk

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, soon to be former White House senior adviser Stephen...

Trump Warns of Biden’s ‘Reckless Competency and Foolish Planning’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If Americans do not re-elect him this fall, President Donald Trump...

Can America Ever Return to a Simpler Time With Less White Nationalist Violence and More Demon Semen?

In Kenosha, Wisconsin and Portland, Oregon last week, Americans watched in horror as two...

MLB Institutes Designated Ventilator Rule

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- In a fairly unprecedented development, Major League Baseball today...

White House Admits It Fed Trump Cheeseburgers and Called Them Hydroxychloroquine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people....

Robertson: “If Jesus Died For Your Sins, The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy!”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to hide his support...

Facebook Introduces “Bullshit” Post Reaction

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Longtime users of billionaire Mark Zuckerberg's privacy profiteering and...

Louie Gohmert Dragged Away By Masked Millennials After Saying “Antifa” 3 Times Into Bathroom Mirror

VALLE DE MORMÓN RACISTACALVO, TEXAS -- According to those with firsthand knowledge of the...

Hasbro Releasing “Trumpnopoly” Board Game Where Winning Players File Bankruptcy and Duck Income Tax

PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND -- During a quarterly conference call with investors, Hasbro -- the...

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Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....