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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
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MAGA News

DeVos To Strike More Than 4.5 Billion Years Of Earth’s History From School Curriculum

New Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos wants history books to contain only the bare, biblical essentials and nothing else...literally.
MAGA News

Sources Confirm: President Trump Still Likes Russian Whore Piss And Wants To Fuck His Daughter

President Trump still definitely loves Russian prostitute urine and totally wants to bang his daughter, according to sources close to him.
Economy

Devos Identifying a Few Thousand Students America Can Afford To Die From Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy Devos told the media today that she's been...
MAGA News

Incoherent Idiot Wastes Hour of Everyone’s Life Reminding Them Why They Should Vote for Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a nearly hour-long, oftentimes rambling, mostly incoherent rant, a massive...
MAGA News

Mary Trump’s Book Claims Her Uncle Paid Someone Else to Take STD Tests for Him

Yesterday, a judge cleared the way for Mary Trump -- niece of President Donald...
MAGA News

Stephen Miller Really Wants You To Put The Goddamned Lotion In The Fucking Basket

Forget Muslim bans, Stephen Miller, Trump's senior policy guy, wants everyone to put the lotion in the basket, or on their skin.
MAGA News

Betsy Devos: “Some People Are Too Poor to Know When It’s Safe to Send Their Kids to School”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy Devos told members of the educational community on...
MAGA News

Fauci Pronounces Trump ‘Dead From the Neck-Up’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci pronounced the...
MAGA News

Trump Signs Executive Order Making All His Future Bowling Scores 300s

In his latest executive order, President Trump wants to ensure his legacy as a premier bowler remains intact after he's left office.
MAGA News

Roger Stone Shows Off New Trump Tramp Stamp Prison Tattoo

MILHOUSE, FLORIDA -- Just outside a diner about fifteen minutes from his home, Roger...
MAGA News

President Trump Eliminates The Judicial Branch Via Executive Order

You might think the country really needs its Judicial Branch, but if you do, you're probably a libtarded beta cuck male and should shut up.
MAGA News

Trump Signs Executive Order Officially Declaring His Penis “Straight, Effective, And Completely Normal Sized”

Will President Donald Trump's latest executive order finally put to a rest nasty rumors swirling around him and his junk?
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Criminal Justice

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...
U.S. Politics

A Firehose That Spews Diarrhea Told Me It’s Been Holding Mock Debates With Joe Biden

"...I'm not Harvey Keitel or Bobby DeNiro or anything, but I guess all that...
Criminal Justice

I Interviewed the Condom Donald Trump Didn’t Use When He Ivanka’d Stormy Daniels

"Prophylactic Americans have senses just like everyone else. And would YOU want to ever...
Criminal Justice

Who Hasn’t Told a Woman She Reminds Us of Our Child Right Before We Put Our Penis In Her?

"Turns out, most of us don't think about our kids before we fuck someone....

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