SWILLY CORN, VALLEY — A software development company has released a new application they say can detect when White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders is engaged in telling a lie, even when streaming a press briefing in real-time.
Barry McGee, CEO of Track and De-Tech’d, told reporters and investors during a press conference from the nation’s tech capital today that he and his team decided to develop the app out of a “sense of patriotic duty” and “curiosity.”
“We had no idea if we’d be able to get our app to work, because this administration lies like bakers make cakes,” McGee told everyone. “The difficulty, we believed, was going to come from figuring out when Sarah isn’t lying. Basically, we had to first engineer an algorithm that would figure out the exceedingly rare moments where actual truth was spewing out of her top diarrhea hole.”
Once the development team started working on the app, however, McGee says they were “blown away” by how easy the job ended up being. The solution was “simple and logical.” As it turns out, McGee’s engineers found an incredibly easy way to determine if Sanders is lying.
“It was literally the easiest thing we’ve ever developed here,” McGee said. “All we had to do is get our software to recognize when her mouth is moving and words were coming out.”
In order to teach their software to activate when Huckabee Sanders was speaking, McGee says the developers trained their algorithm in a rather unique way.
“What we did is we all ate Taco Bell for six days straight, and set up microphones in each toilet in the building,” McGee said. “We recorded every single blast, splatter, and eruption of diarrhea that came out of any sphincter, butthole, asshole, or San Francisco Giant that works here. It was quite amazing the audio that we got.”
Then, Mcgee says, his team took the diarrhea recordings and programmed them into the algorithm.
“To test it, we then played a clip of Huckabee Sanders at a press briefing,” Mr. McGee explained. “And wouldn’t you know it? Just like after we trained it to recognize the sounds of diarrhea erupting from an anus and it worked spectacularly, our application detected when Sarah was speaking in real-time, without any delay.”
The White House issued a response to the announcement of the new application.
“We don’t lie, ever,” the statement reads. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to go find Barack Obama’s real birth certificate. We’re pretty sure about six trillion Mexicans stole it before they all went and voted in California for CROOKED HILLARY.”
This is a developing story.
