WASHINGTON, D.C. — The subject of whether or not President Donald Trump can be trusted is, of course, a silly one. The man who spent the better part of a decade keeping a racist rumor about the last president would never lie to the American people, just as the man who never divulged his tax returns — despite decades of prior precedent — clearly has nothing to hide.
Still, over and over again, the Trump administration has been assailed with accusations that they are less than truthful, simply because they lie on occasion, or several occasions, as the case may be. The Washington Post has estimated that Trump or his surrogates have told more than 4,000 lies since being in office, but those only count if one considers a “lie” to be “not telling truth,” and therefore the numbers should be taken with a grain of salt.
Most Americans understand the man occupying the White House is the strongest, bravest man to ever do so, and that meaningless accusations of his being a liar do him no harm. That being said, perhaps in a response to the deluge of accusations of mendacities both great and small, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders greeted reporters on the lawn of the White House, nacho cheese dipped croissant in hand, and bellowed at them for about ten minutes regarding Trump’s relationship to the truth.
“You all keep saying he lies, just because what he says ends up not being true,” Huckabee Sanders said, cheese stuck to the corner of her mouth. “But the way we see it, you all just don’t get the REAL truth. You’re so used to libtarded lies from the libtarded FAKE NEWS that you don’t recognize our good, clean, ammo hoarding, red meat eating truth when you hear it.”
Huckabee explained that Trump’s honest is so pure, so deep, and so forthright it comes off as “nothing but a bunch of self-serving bullshit.”
“The president is nothing but truthful, all the time, except when he’s not, and even then, he really is,” Huckabee said. “The problem is that he’s so honest it just really really, really, really really FEELS like he’s lying all the time, that’s all.”
Reached for comment, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell didn’t seem to know or care about this issue.
“I don’t know or care about any of that or this issue at all,” McConnell said. “I’m solely focused on doing what the people who put me here want me to do. And if I don’t deliver, they’ll stop giving money to me…er I mean, my CAMPAIGN, you see. So, truth, lies, who gives a fuck, know what I mean, fam?”
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.News, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.
