Religious Zealot: Doctored Videos Should Cost Millions of Women Vital Health Services

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SPLINTER, OKLAHOMA — Abby Dotson cares deeply about babies. To be more accurate, she is extremely concerned about unborn fetuses, zygotes and blastocysts not being terminated as part of legal and safe abortions performed under the auspices of a sterile medical environment. Dotson heads up the Splinter, Oklahoma chapter of “Right To Life (But Not Quality of Life),” a religious-based non-profit whose mission statement declares the group’s primary focus is “ensuring the sanctity of life is respected fully by enforcing all gestating lifeforms’ right to birth” while “also guaranteeing no extraordinary efforts are made to ensure gestating life forms have a decent quality of life after they are born” because “that is not what American bootstraps are for.”

Dotson is one of thousands of evangelical Christian conservatives who have been progressively more outraged as The Center for Medical Progress has released each of its three “sting” videos that the group claims proves Planned Parenthood is in the business of selling aborted fetal tissue and body parts. Critics of The CMP have been quick to point out its founder’s ties to discredited right-wing activist James O’Keefe who famously doctored videos in his own undercover sting of the non-profit ACORN group. There have been many similarities between O’Keefe’s highly-doctored ACORN videos and the videos that The Center for Medical Progress has put out, and some are questioning the legality of the undercover surveillance.

But none of the issues swirling around the credibility of The Center for Medical Progress or their affiliations with other discredit activists concerns Dotson in the slightest. “I believe what my eyes show me,” Dotson told The Political Garbage Chute, “and even though there are obvious moments when the dialogue is cut short and and you can tell when things were spliced together to enforce a narrative, I still believe these videos show us that Planned Parenthood is in the business of selling dead babies,” and Dotson says she is busy writing fifty letters a day to her local, state and Federal elected officials, demanding that all employees of Planned Parenthood be arrested and all of their facilities closed down.

“I don’t care that 97% of what Planned Parenthood does is provide free and low-cost health screening services for women,” Dotson insisted, “that doesn’t matter because we’re talking about dead babies, don’t you see? Sure, there are less than five doctors who perform late-term abortions for Planned Parenthood. And sure, each case of fetal tissue or organ donation has to be signed-off on by the woman getting the abortion, and I guess if you’re going to be technical about it they’re not even allowed to discuss tissue donation until after the decision has been made to terminate the pregnancy, but I don’t care about facts and stuff, I have my emotions wrapped-up in caring about all those millions of unborn children I have no intention of helping one they get born!”

Dotson says that “moral decay” has overtaken the country and that she is “not going to stop fighting for the rights of those who literally are incapable of standing up for themselves because they don’t have a brain that is capable of sentient thought.” She also says that she “isn’t too concerned” about the possibility of a rape or incest victim not getting access to an abortion after her attack if Planned Parenthood is shut down because “babies are precious, no matter how they were raped into existence.”

Mrs. Dotson also told us that “This is just like when the liberal media wanted to tell us that when Obama said ‘You didn’t build that’ in 2012 he wasn’t saying that business owners don’t work hard. Just because Fox and other conservative outlets completely butchered the clip and removed all its vital subtext, that doesn’t mean we were duped! And the same thing is true with the ACORN videos and now the Planned Parenthood videos. It doesn’t matter that to anyone with half a brain the videos were highly edited to produce a narrative; it’s a narrative we agree with and therefore this zombie lie is never going away. 20 years from now, you’ll see us carping about these videos, mark my words.”

“You know, some jerk tried to tell me the prices discussed in the videos are so low there’s no way that Planned Parenthood is turning a profit,” Dotson said during the interview, “but I just ignored him because that kind of logical reasoning hurts my brain and keeps my emotions from away from me.” Dotson said she “doesn’t give a hoot” that Republican lawmakers like Mitch McConnell votes years ago to approve the very same process that The Center for Medical Progress is trying to pass off as illegal. “The bottom line is that I don’t really understand how non-profits work, nor do I understand that just because the life form developing in the uterus is human that doesn’t mean it deserves to supplant its mother’s constitutionally protected freedoms, I just want to look at this issue through the narrow prism of dead babies, and that’s it!”

Dotson says that when her son took issue with her latest crusade against Planned Parenthood because it could cost humanity some vital cures and vaccines that could be discovered thanks to working with donated fetal tissue and organs, she “smacked him in the mouth so hard the love of the Lord would wash over him” and that she “would rather us all die from horrible diseases than have one unwanted, unplanned, and ill-prepared for pregnancy to be terminated.”

“I know what I saw in those videos,” Dotson said as the interview was concluding, “and I know what I wanted to see. Guess what? I’m going with what I wanted to see. Because I’m an American. Because I’m a Republican. Because I’m a Christian conservative. Facts, context and subtext be damned.”

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