NEW YORK, NEW YORK — President-Elect Donald Trump is just a little over a week away from becoming the 45th President of the United States of America. When he is sworn in, he will be wearing a special piece of jewelry, sent to him by Russian President Vladimir Putin. The necklace, sent along with a hand-written note from Mr. Putin, is made of the “finest leathers Russia has to offer” and is adorned with a stylish leash.
“Mr. Trump,” the note accompanying the necklace said, “please accept this necklace — crafted from the finest leathers Russia has to offer as a congratulatory gift from our country to yours. Please do wear this when you’re sworn in and every day subsequently. And please don’t make me ask more than once, my little orange babushka.”
The letter was signed “Big Poppa V.”
“This is really is a swell gift,” sources close to Mr. Trump say he told his daughter Ivanka as he unwrapped it. He turned to top adviser Kellyanne Conway and showed it off to her. Conway cooed and told him that only he could make such a gift look so great. Trump reportedly patted her on the head and gave her a treat. Conway trundled off to do another interview on another show, muttering to herself about not ever acknowledge what the words coming out of her boss’s mouth mean.
Later in the day, while leaving Trump Tower, the president-elect told reporters he was “absolutely in love” with both Putin and the necklace.
“I mean, what a kind and thoughtful gesture,” Trump said while showing off the necklace, “and it really makes me feel so warm and welcome in the big boy world leader club, know what I mean? I’m a natural anyway, because I’m so strong and powerful. It’s my giant hands. Everyone who ever saw my hands told me they could tell I’d be president one day because of my hands. Anyway, what was I saying? I know it was about me…but…oh yeah, this necklace, a real Grade-A beaut, ain’t it?”
Mr. Trump says he plans to wear Putin’s necklace whenever he and the Russian president are together, but that Putin has asked he wear it all the time.
“And you know, I’m going to honor that request,” Trump said, “not because I have to. But because I think I look really great in necklaces. And also because Vlad told me I have to or the tapes of my piss play will leak, but whatever, MAGA, know what I mean?”
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