LAKE TOWN, IOWA — Rep. Bill Williamson (R) is a staunchly conservative member of Iowa’s State House. Over his 15 year career as a lawmaker, Williamson has earned “A” ratings from both the NRA and the National Right To Control Vaginae For Women Council. He considers his work on pro-life, anti-abortion laws the cornerstone of his time in the legislature. Rep. Williamson calls himself the “proudest of all the Republicans” and says he’d do anything for his party to win the White House in November, except, support Donald Trump any longer.
At an early morning press conference, Williamson announced he was not endorsing Trump anymore. Williamson had been one of the first Republican lawmakers to back Trump’s campaign, but he said that after the so-called Trump Tapes were released, he couldn’t “in good conscience” support Trump.
“I may believe that a rape victim should be forced by the government to carry her rapist’s baby to full term,” Williamson told reporters, “but I am not that big an asshole for goddness sakes. I just don’t see how I can be anything but totally outraged by Trump’s pussy boner.”
Williamson said that while he “totally gets Trump’s urge” to assert himself as a dominant male, and he even understands the “truly valid and reasonable desire to control women from tits to tail,” he says Trump’s language in the leaked tapes is a “bridge too far.”
“Look, I’m the first person to acknowledge that women can’t really be trusted to make their own decisions on a whole host of issues,” Williamson said, “but you can’t just grab them by the pussy and wrench them into place. If you want to grab a pussy, you have to do it the Republican Way, via legislation.”
With just a handful of weeks left before Election Day, Rep. Williamson says he doesn’t think it’s likely he’ll change his position and support Trump again, unless Trump were to make some “significant and obvious changes.”
“Hey, I’m reasonable,” Williamson said, “if Trump’s willing to tone it down and express his misogyny in Republican terms, I’d think about supporting him again. But if he’s going to be brazen about his disregard for half the population, if he’s not even open to the idea of subjugating women more subtly by implying they’re incapable of making a tough decision for themselves, then I just don’t know. We need to control the vaginae in America through emotional pleas about dead babies, not by simply grabbing the pussy.”
Then, after a few moments to think about it.
“Then again,” Rep. Williamson mused, “does grabbing them by the pussy work? Asking for a friend.”
No women were asked for their opinion on this story, per Williamson’s request to “keep it biblical.”
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.
