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Matt Gaetz Blew a .28 on Breathalyzer Right Before Bringing Up Hunter Biden Driving...

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the House Judiciary Committee debated the two articles of impeachment they intend to put to the full House of...

Santa Claus Asks Gun Owners to Stow Weapons Before He Comes

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NORTH POLE, EARTH -- Kristopher Q. Kringle, known around the world by his stage name Santa Claus, has issued a request in the hours...

Obama Offers to Print Trump’s Articles of Impeachment on His Birth Certificate

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Barack H. Obama (D-Kenya) has reached out to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and offered to let her...

Racist, Lying Conman With Tiny Hands, Mushroom Penis, and Bad Spray Tan Who Fantasizes...

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Trump just doesn't understand why anyone would ever laugh at his expense, according to sources close to the...

God Says Trump is the ‘Chosen One to Warn Others Not to Become Slovenly,...

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This past August, in what would be bizarre moment in literally any other period in American history, a sitting...

DeVos To Strike More Than 4.5 Billion Years Of Earth’s History From School Curriculum

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy DeVos announced today that soon schools all across America will have drastically revised history texts for all school...

God Clarifies Trump is the ‘Chosen One to Warn Others Not to Become Fat,...

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KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Today, in what would be bizarre moment in literally any other period in American history, a sitting president called...

Trump Asks Supreme Court to Officially Declare Him Above The Law and ‘More Co-Equaler’...

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Unites States of America seems to be sliding ever quicker into a full-blown Constitutional crisis, and President Donald Trump told...

Stephen Miller Assures Red State Lawmakers Migrant Children Don’t Have Human Heartbeats

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a call with lawmakers from every state won by Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election, White House Senior Genocide...

Trump Signs Trade Deal With Nambia To Triple Annual U.S. Covfefe Imports

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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump held a signing ceremony in the Oval Office this morning for a new trade deal that he says...