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Biden Pledges to Name Military Base Latrines After Trump Loyalists
Former Vice-President Joe Biden has announced that should he win the election this fall, he pledges to rename military base latrines after President Donald...
He Thinks Face Masks Are Tyranny. He Also Loves Trump’s Goon Squad. Doctors Don’t...
COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins will not wear a face mask in public. It doesn't matter who asks...
Palpatine Blames ‘AntiSith Anarchists’ for Use of Death Star on Alderaan
CORUSCANT -- In an emergency address, Emperor Sheev Palpatine confirmed that the Death Star's primary weapon was used against the planet Alderaan, which until...
President Will Distribute Copies of Mary Trump’s Book at Future MAGA Rallies
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump cannot be all that thrilled about his niece Mary's new book. In the tell-all, Ms. Trump goes into...
Emperor Palpatine Defends Attorney General Vader’s Use of Stormtroopers in Portland
CORUSCANT -- As protests mount throughout the galaxy, Emperor Sheev Palpatine has maintained a public tone of righteousness and self-assurance. The protests have begun...
Poll Indicates Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice
As the election draws closer, there's little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he's reliant in large part on the votes of conservative evangelical...
Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets
SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time fact checks to tweets created and sent by the most...
Ghosts of Elijah Cummings and John Lewis Mistake Jar of Mayonnaise for Marco Rubio
THE GREAT BEYOND -- There was a brief but quite ironically hilarious case of mistaken identity reported from the afterlife this morning. Reportedly, two late...
DNC Announces First Presidential Debate Between Donald Trump and Chris Wallace
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee has announced the first presidential debate of the 2020 election, and some might find themselves quite surprised...
Trump Suggests Adult Film Industry Rename ATMs to “Doing a McEnany”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, it's still not quite clear how or why the subject came to the attention of the...
