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DeVos To Strike More Than 4.5 Billion Years Of Earth’s History From School Curriculum
New Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos wants history books to contain only the bare, biblical essentials and nothing else...literally.
Stephen Miller Really Wants You To Put The Goddamned Lotion In The Fucking Basket
Forget Muslim bans, Stephen Miller, Trump's senior policy guy, wants everyone to put the lotion in the basket, or on their skin.
Betsy Devos: “Some People Are Too Poor to Know When It’s Safe to Send...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy Devos told members of the educational community on a conference call from the White House this morning that...
Party of Lincoln Outraged People Keep Pulling Down Statues of His Enemies
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most every American can name its 16th president. That's because he happens to be, probably, the most famous one, and millions...
Lahren: NASA Should Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’
VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was about to...
Pence: “We Flattened the Curve. We Saved Lives. Iraq had WMD. 2+2=Ketchup.”
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a press conference last week, Vice President Mike Pence caused quite a bit of eyebrow raising and head scratching. The...
Dan Bongino: “Parler is Social Media for People Tired of Hiding Behind Their Red...
LAKE CRÂNE VIDE GÉANT, FLORIDA -- Right-wing commentator Dan Bongino announced last week that he's adding "social media investor" to a résume that already...
CDC Testing Effectiveness of Racial Slurs on COVID-19
ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control, at the request of the White House, has begun an emergency study on whether or not...
Rand Paul to Filibuster Bubba Wallace’s Last Lap
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Rand Paul (R-The Kremlin) has announced that he plans to filibuster the final lap in the next NASCAR race that...
Ivanka: “Daddy Has No Problem Drinking Water With One Hand When The Other’s On...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Can the President of the United States drink water with one hand? This is a question that has apparently been plaguing...
