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Trump Says He’s Found Obama’s Wakanda Birth Certificate
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an unforeseen but perhaps truly world changing series of events, President Donald Trump announced this morning that he had made...
Jeff Sessions Not Sure Trump’s Dick Tastes So Good After All
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Attorney General Jeff Sessions told a gathering of evangelical Christians in the nation's capital today that he is not stepping down,...
Trump’s Bone Spurs Refute President’s Claims He’d Run Into Mass Shooting With No Gun...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump, during a meeting with the nation's governors, said that he would have probably charged headlong into...
Trump Offers To Grab Mitt Romney’s Binders By The Pussy
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, former Massachusetts governor, failed 2012 Republican presidential candidate, and all-around nice robot Mitt Romney announced his candidacy for outgoing Utah...
Presidents Day Trivia: 45 Facts About 44 Presidents And One Orange Douchebag
Today is Presidents Day. Which means one thing for our readership: trivia!
Who doesn't love trivia? We'll tell you who -- assholes. Total fuckin' assholes...
Model and Adult Film Star Drops Bombshell: ‘I Have Never, Would Never, And Will...
VALLE DE COGER, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, in an exclusive for The New Yorker, revealed that she carried on an extramarital...
Televangelist on Rob Porter Affair: ‘Sometimes God Gives Ladies Black Eyes To Save Unborn...
SYCAMORE GLEN, TENNESSEE -- Reverend Bill Millen is a televangelist in his home state of Tennessee, and he describes himself as a "loud and...
Furious Trump Demands American Curlers Take Their Shots Standing Upright
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House have reported that over the weekend, President Donald Trump caught as much of the 2018 Winter...
Puerto Rico And Flint, Michigan Are Vying To Host Trump’s Military Parade
A recent poll conducted by The Military Times shows that the overwhelming majority of service members surveyed are not in favor of a military parade, as...
John Kelly Wants OJ Simpson To Join The Trump Administration
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are today saying that General John Kelly, White House Chief of Staff, is offering an account...
