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Trump Suspends First Amendment For “Disrespectful Urbans Who Play Pro Sports”
"Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that urbans are allowed to make white people think."
Trump Will Only Pardon Turkey That Voted For Him
"There are at least 63 million turkeys to choose from in this country."
Uday and Qusay Trump To Host Christmas Hunting Party on White House Lawn This...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that his sons, Uday and Qusay, will host a special event on the White House lawn...
Trump Creates Department Of Comedy And Sexual Misconduct, Louis C.K. & Bill Cosby Will...
"We're equal opportunity harassers in this administration."
Elton John And Donald Trump To Release Collaboration Of Their Greatest Hits In...
"This will be the most popular album ever released."
Trump Wants His Bone Spurs Added To Vietnam War Memorial
"If we can't add them to the memorial, can I give them a presidential medal of freedom or some shit?"
Local Mouth Breathing Podcaster Super Happy With Trump’s “Short and Fat” Kim Jong-Un Tweet
"As long as there's a libtard somewhere getting upset by it, I don't care if he nukes California and takes a dump on the Lincoln Memorial's steps."
Trump Set To Tap Putin As New Special Prosecutor In Russia Investigation
AIR FORCE ONE — Time to relax after two days of work covering the APEC summit in Vietnam was interrupted for the media aboard...
Kellyanne Conway: Gillespie Loss in Virginia An Alternative Win for Trump
"We see this as not a defeat, but an alternative win."
Trump Orders Execution of All Thanksgiving Turkeys Obama Pardoned
"I don't want to waste pardons on people who aren't related to me."
