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President Says He’s ‘Never Even Heard Of’ Trump Tower
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a perhaps foreseen but surprising move nevertheless, President Trump has issued a statement denying any and all knowledge of the...
Poll: Austin Clay, The Trump Hollywood Star Vandal, New 2020 Frontrunner
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA -- Austin Clay, 24 years old and a resident of Los Angeles County, claims to be the person who utterly destroyed President...
Trump Family Makes Deal With Lawry’s For Exclusive New Table Salt
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today the White House released a joint press release with the Trump Foundation, announcing a partnership with Lawry's on a new...
Putin Assures Trump Andrew Jackson Had Nothing to Do With Trail of Tears
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Trump took office, one of the first controversial decisions he made was to bring back a portrait of President...
Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-A’s
Senator Ted Cruz has a new idea to try and help the federal government make a little dough while also simultaneously knocking science and education.
Staffers Say They Still Smell Vladimir Putin’s Dinner on Trump’s Breath
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are confirming at the time of publication that the odor of the dinner Russian president Vladimir...
Trump Backtracks Backtrack: “I Meant To Say I Saw No Reason It Would Wouldn’t...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the second time in as many days, President Donald Trump backtracked on a statement he made regarding Russia's culpability for...
Hillary Clinton Apologizes For Meeting With Russian Agent During 2016 Election
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has issued a formal apology to the people of the United States of...
Obama: ‘Has Trump Ever Proven His Presidency Wasn’t Born in Russia?’
SECRET BUNKER, COUNTRY OF ISLAM -- Former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) gave an interview to a radio station in Washington, D.C. in the...
Trump Threatens To Send Queen of England ‘Declaration of More Independence’ Because of ‘Unforgivable’...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Decades-long relationships between the United States and its strongest European allies are being tested on President Donald Trump's current international trip,...
