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Trump Promises Supporters He’ll Never Die ‘Like That Cuck Bush’
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Despite prior tensions between the Bush family and President Donald Trump, the alleged billionaire and reality-TV host still ended up attending...
Trump Signs Treaty With Obama, Officially Ending War on Christmas
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's a day that many in this country thought would never come, but nevertheless has arrived and given all Americans hope...
Americans Flood Heaven’s Switchboards Asking If Trump Can Take George HW Bush’s Spot
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway and his son, Jesus Hubert Christ held a holy press conference today from the corporate headquarters...
Graceland Workers Dig Up Elvis Presley’s Corpse And Confirm It Looks A Lot Like...
MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE -- When President Trump told a rally crowd in Mississippi last week that people used to tell him that people used to...
Fox News Worried About Integrity of Trump’s “Worldwide News Network”
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- During a conference call with shareholders this morning, a Fox News executive expressed concerns about a new "worldwide news...
Trump Had Special Presidential Crayons Made For Answering Mueller Questions
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For months, FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller has been wrangling the president for a sit-down interview, on the record, about Russian...
Turkey Passes On Pardon From Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's been a longstanding tradition in America for the sitting president to "pardon" a turkey in the week leading up to...
Retailers Report Sharp Decline in Post-Halloween Democrat Disguise Sales
NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The National Retailers Consortium, one of the country's oldest commerce associations, has released some rather interesting findings of a...
Chinese Government Admits Climate Change ‘Total and Complete Bigly Hoax’
SOME CHINESE SOUNDING PLACE, CHINA -- The totally real government of China released a totally legitimate statement to the world press today, perhaps dropping...
Jim Acosta is Opening a No-Impact Kung Fu Dojo
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just a couple of days after finding himself at the heart of a story of national import, and only hours after...
