Obama Dares Co-Presidents to Attempt His Record for Holding Their Breath Underwater

“…all I’m saying is that I spent eight years in the White House uninterrupted because I never lost an election, or an insurrection for that matter.” – Former President Barack H. Obama

A friendly rivalry between the men who have been President of The United States is probably to be expected. Just how friendly the rivalry is between presidents from opposing political parties is unknown, but clearly Democrat Barack Obama and oligarchic fascists Elon Musk and Donald Trump do feel such a rivalry exists.

Some might recall the jocular nature of Trump’s incessant, near-decade racist trolling of Obama’s birthplace. Clearly whatever issues Trump had with a South African in the Oval Office might have been, he’s gotten over them, because he’s agreed to let Musk be his co-president. Oh, and there was that whole “Obama was never from Africa anyway,” thing.

Then, during last year’s Democratic National Convention, Obama took a swipe at Trump over the alleged size of the former reality-TV gameshow host’s penis. And, it seems that Obama isn’t quite done trolling the current regime.

“Look, now, all I’m saying is that I spent eight years in the White House uninterrupted because I never lost an election, or an insurrection for that matter,” former President Obama said on NBC News this morning while promoting a new film he’s producing.

“Each of those years, I’d test myself. I’d test my physical strength and stamina in a variety of ways, actually. One of those ways was to establish the Presidential record for underwater breath holding, and quite frankly, I doubt either of our current co-presidents have the balls to attempt to break my record, so I’m pretty sure that record is safely mine at least for another presidential term.”

Though Obama would not divulge what his record for holding his breath underwater is, he is sure that neither man who is running the country right now could beat it. Though, he reiterated several times he’s not sure that either would have the courage to make any attempts at doing so in the first place. Each time he’d imply they were too weak, Obama would look right into the camera, make a gesture for “small dicks” with his fingers, and laugh.

“No, no. I’m just playing around. I’m sure they know that, too. A couple of rock-solid MENSA candidate geniuses like that? I’m sure they get jokes. It’s not like their fans of The Babylon Bee, right? Then we’d know they have no fucking clue what humor is, am I right?”

We asked the White House if either co-president will take up Obama’s challenge, but were told we’d get an answer after their morning scrum meeting and klan rally.

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