Total Guns Confiscated by President Barack Obama (Week #414): Total Guns Confiscated by President Barack Obama (Entire Presidency):

Total Caches of Weapons and Ammunition, Seized by President Barack Obama (Week 413):

Total Caches of Weapons and Ammunition, Seized by President Barack Obama (Entire Presidency):

Total Second Amendments Replaced With “Yay Gays!” by President Barack Obama:

Total Guns, Forcibly Replaced With Dildos by President Barack Obama:

Total Guns Confiscated to Pay For Welfare Programs by President Barack Obama:

Total Guns Converted into Flower Shooting Rainbow Cannons by President Barack Obama:

Total Times Guns Have Been Blamed For Anything Other Than Gun Violence by President Barack Obama:

Total “In God We Trust”s Replaced With “Black Gay Mexicans 4Ever!!” by President Barack Obama:

Total 2016 Elections Canceled, Martial Laws Instituted, Imperial Presidencies Formed by President Barack Obama:

Total Number of Straight Marriages Ruined in the Last Week Thanks to the Gays and Obama’s Sinister Liberal Agenda:

“None. Zero. Not a single goddamned one. Basically, if gay marriage brings down your straight marriage,

one or both of you has some serious explaining to do.”