WASHINGTON, D.C.– Over the weekend, a well-rested former President Barack Obama offered to help out current Co-President Donald J. Trump and take his place at this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner.
“Well, if Donald’s not feeling up to it,” Obama told reporters as he came out of a musical he was attending in New York City with his daughter Malia, “I’ll do it for him. He seems really stressed out and like he could use a vacation already. I’ve got some really fun suggestions as to where he can go and what he can do with himself when he gets there too, whenever he wants them. Really been dying to tell him to go to this one particular place for about six or seven years now.”
Trump announced via Twitter that he would be skipping the dinner that is traditionally held between the White House, members of the press, and other media and entertainment figures. The dinner had become a source of contention recently, though, when several outlets started pulling out of parties near and around the event after Trump’s press secretary barred several of them from press briefings this week.
“Hey, I get it,” Obama said, “believe me I get it. It’s hard being president. People criticize you all the time. Of course, you still have to do the damn job and not be a wimpy. But I even know what Trump’s talking about when it comes to people making stuff up about you, believe it or not. Of course, there was never a dossier of compromising intelligence on me from Russian sources that got more and more corroborated as the weeks went by, but I certainly don’t want to golden shower Donald with criticism at this time.”
Obama indicated that it might be a good thing for Mr. Trump to stay at home and watch his predecessor at this year’s dinner. Mr. Obama indicated that it might be really hard for a “man of Donald’s reputation and life history” to take criticism no matter how light or heavy.
“Maybe Trump just needs someone to show him how real presidents take criticism,” Obama said, “or then again maybe winning the popular vote makes you confident enough to know you can take some criticism without blowing up on everyone? Who knows. But it might be a good thing for Donald to sit a few plays out and watch how a real, seasoned pro takes it all in stride.”
If Trump doesn’t want Obama to fill in, the president suggests that he might might know one other person who’d be “totally willing to take Donald’s place for him in any capacity” and that he knew “about 65 million other Americans who’d be fine with it.”
“Maybe he should ask Hillary to fill-in,” Obama said, “I mean, there were about 65 million Americans who voted for her to be the one on the dais anyway, so could be a win-win for all parties concerned. Don should let me know if he wants me to reach out to Hillary; I can call her on my secret Ailsnkyite hotline.”
The Trump Administration could not be reached for comment.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.
