LAKE FARTFACE, MICHIGAN — Friends and family gathered this week to bury Larry Lombowski, a local man who was ejected from his car when it crashed into a tree last Monday. Lombowski, a devout, pro-MAGA American, had become known around his sleepy Michigan town for posting hand-typed, anti-vaccine and anti-mask screeds on telephone poles and church bulletin boards.
For many weeks and months, Lombowski refused to get vaccinated or mask-up, telling people that he had “natural immunity” to COVID-19 after he already contracted it last year.
“He told me that he got it after a wild one night stand,” one friend of Larry’s told us shortly after his funeral. “How he didn’t know his own cousin had COVID, I don’t know, but here we are.”
Lombowksi was not wearing a seat belt at the time of his crash. Another friend of Larry’s told us that he was conscious for a short time before he passed away. He was asked by paramedics if he had been wearing a seat belt. Larry apparently laughed, blood spattering all over his “Hillary is a Cunt” t-shirt, and said what would end up being his final words on Earth.
“Of course I didn’t put on a seat belt! I believe in vehicular freedom!”
In lieu of flowers, Larry’s family has asked for gift cards to Bass Pro Shop and Chick-Fil-A.
