WASHINGTON, D.C. — As a gift for his inauguration, President Donald Trump was given a special picture — a photograph of himself with Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on the Moon. The picture was given to Trump by Alex Jones of InfoWars.
“True American patriots and historians will remember that the 1969 moon landing is a total, total hoax,” Trump said as he told a reporter from World Net Daily about the picture back in February, “and of course everyone also remembers I was there with Buzz and Neil. Alex was nice enough to give me my very own copy of a picture taken on the Moon set. Bigly honored.”
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Mr. Trump put the photo Jones gave him up in the Oval Office, and has reportedly pointed it out to several heads of state who have come to visit the White House. But not everyone in the Trump administration is pleased with the photo being so prominently displayed. In a letter to the temporary president, NASA has asked him to take it down.
“Mr. President,” the letter starts, “While we do not deny you are, for now, our boss, and have the right as an American to spew any nonsensical craziness you desire, we humbly would like to request you take down the photo you claim is from the 1969 Moon landing.”
NASA’s letter says that Trump is “taking a proverbial dump” on American history in displaying Jones’ gift in the Oval Office.
“This isn’t some fake TIME Magazine cover or some shit, sir,” the letter reads, “this is taking a proverbial dump on one of the greatest achievements in American history.”
The letter says that not only does NASA stand by the landing as “completely genuine,” NASA believes it can pinpoint several “gross inaccuracies” in Jones’ photo that prove it’s a “hoax of a hoax.”
“First of all, it’s clearly Kellyanne Conway playing the Moon Monster in the background,” NASA’s letter states, “because anyone who has seen any of the Alien movies wouldn’t miss Kellyanne’s distinctive features and tongue.”
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NASA’s letter also says that the actors playing Armstrong and Aldrin in the photo “look nothing like the real Buzz and Neil.”
“For one thing, Mr. President,” the letter chastises, “Steve Bannon is about 120 pounds heavier than Armstrong, and we never, ever put Nazi swastikas on our space suits, sir. Also, Stephen Miller may be a Vampire alien, but if you’re going to have him play Aldrin, he should have at least moved his sleeping coffin out of the shot, don’t you think?”
Lastly, NASA says that Trump was “most definitely nowhere near the moon landing operation” in 1969.
“Come on, sir,” the letter says, “Jones didn’t even try to photoshop a picture of you from 1969 into the moon landing. He used a picture from your days on The Apprentice. This is a patently false photo and it belittles the office of the presidency. Not that you care about that, of course.”
The White House has yet to respond to NASA’s letter.
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