If Musk Gets Controlling Stake, The First Thing He’ll Do Is Change Twitter’s Name

Published on

Billionaire Elon Musk recently purchased enough shares of Twitter to hold just under 10% of the total. It’s not enough for him to gain a controlling interest in the social media company, however rumors are that Mr. Musk is in the early planning stages of acquiring enough stock to do exactly that.

Once he does, sources close to the situation are telling media outlets one of the first things Musk will do is a moderate rebranding of the site.

MORE: Donald Trump Has Been Reinstated as President. Of the Mar-A-Lago Buffet Line.

“The first thing Elon wants to do is adjust the name of the site. He wants to replace the I with an A and that way once he makes the other changes he plans to make, the name of the site will perfectly describe the kinds of users Elon wants to attract,” someone in Musk’s orbit wishing to remain anonymous told us in a recent Skype interview. “Let’s put it this way — Elon is a fan of The Babylon Bee and thinks they’re transphobia is hilarious comedy. If he were already in charge, they’d never have been suspended in the first place.”

Musk has recently been quite vocal in his criticism of Twitter for what he calls its overly-censorious terms of service. He recently polled his Twitter followers and asked if they thought the social media site was holding up its promise to protect and encourage free speech and discourse. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Musk’s poll showed his followers do not believe Twitter does enough to protect free speech.

Mr. Musk has not indicated when he intends to purchase more shares of Twitter. Reportedly, though, once he does get a controlling interest, he plans to synergize with two of his other companies.

“Elon’s told us that he wants to make a Twatter Edition Tesla Model X, but he’s not sure if people will just assume it was his own, personal car, not a not a new model up for sale,” our source said. “He’s also indicated he may put Twatter’s servers on Mars one day.”

https://youtu.be/ytV1T-1P9RE

MORE: Greene Says She Identifies as ‘Madison Cawthorn But Without a Dong’

 

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Ashley’s Diary, Hunter’s Laptop, Obama’s Birth Certificate, and the Bible: All the Facts I Need

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump 2024 surrogate Dustin Pewpsin....

Betrayal? RFK’s Brain Worms Just Endorsed Donald Trump

"Much like how an Evangelical Christian can read the Bible and not know anything...

Every Former President Ranked from Least to Most Felony Convictions

Our regular readers will likely recall that part of our mission statement here --...

When Will Biden Call Off His War on Rapey Conmen Coup Conspirators?

The following editorial was written by Jethro Bohiggins -- a pro-MAGA singer/songwriter and podcast...