Mike Pence: “I Will Not Testify, But Please Keep Waving Your Subpoenas In My Face!”

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While speaking to a convention of pro-life stay-at-home moms this weekend, former Vice President Mike Pence briefly discussed his decision to resist testifying to federal authorities about the events leading up to January 6th, 2021, despite being served with a subpoena to do so.

“I just think it’s time to put all that stuff behind us. Sure, I nearly lost my life that day, but another part of me likes to remind myself that a bunch of strong, strapping, hulking, bulging patriots wanted me to be well-hung,” Pence told the convention goers. “See, there’s a silver lining to every cloud, and an upside to every failed coup. Maybe it’s time for Americans to look for the upside in the coup.”

Pence declared that while he has no intention of testifying unless compelled by a court to do so, he also does not mind continuing to be served with subpoenas in other matters.

“So what I will say right now to Mr. Jack Smith, or any other federal investigator, is that I will not testify,” Pence declared, “but please, keep waving your subpoenas in my face. It took me a little bit to get used to when it happened the first time, but now I kind of look forward to getting smacked in the face with as many subpoenas as I can get!”

@jamboschlarmbo I won’t tell if you don’t tell, Mike. #MIkePence #political #satire #January6th #politik #politics ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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