“…as a rapist, you’re always worried that your reputation for raping people would prevent you from getting anywhere in life.” – Billy The Rapist
In towns, cities, villages, and bergs all across America, people occupy their time in all sorts of ways.
Some play softball. Some join local agriculture or car clubs. Others become involved in their local arts community. Others commit rape and other acts of sexual violence.
My town has Billy the Rapist, for instance. Every woman in town knows not to ever accept Billy’s invitations for a date, no matter how tempting the new Decades menu at Taco Bell might be. For a long time, we’ve all just assumed that one day, Billy would end up spending the rest of his rape-filled days in prison, where perhaps he’d get to experience what all his victims got to experience from the reverse end.
However, ever since the election a couple weeks ago, Billy’s been going around telling people in town he has a lot more prospects other than just simply continuing to be a rapist. I finally got a chance to sit down with Billy over a Gordita and soft taco supreme for a lunchtime interview. In short, Billy told me the new, or rather returning, presidential administration gives “guys like [him] something to look forward to.”
“I’ve got big dreams, man. Huge, really. But as a rapist, you’re always worried that your reputation for raping people would prevent you from getting anywhere in life,” Billy the Rapist explained to me while squirting mild sauce all over his Gordita.
“A lot of people might think, myself included actually, that rapists don’t have very many prospects. For employment, I mean. Well, that all changed when the most famous rapist in America was re-elected president. And when he started hiring more rapists to fill out his administration, well, it got me to thinking that maybe I’ve got a calling after all.”
Billy paused for a second.
“A calling other than rape, I mean, of course.”
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