Friend of Las Vegas Shooting Victim Calls Bill O’Reilly The ‘Price of Not Being Allowed To Punch Douchebags In The Dick”

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GOLDEN HILLS, CALIFORNIA — When Jack Brazil’s friend Tom departed for this year’s Route 91 country music festival in Las Vegas, he had no idea the next time he’d see his friend, Tom would be convalescing and recovering from two bullet wounds. Tom was one of scores injured or maimed by a bullet fired from one of Stephen Paddock’s numerous weapons, some of which authorities are confirming were modified from a semi-automatic state with a device that allows them to function more similarly to automatic firearms. Neither Tom nor Jack consider themselves “overly” political, and both own a couple of guns apiece.

“It’s just so crazy to know that Tom was in the line of fire of that guy,” Jack said, “and so terrifying. I know neither my handgun nor my hunting rifle would have done fuck-all against that guy’s arsenal. I can’t even imagine how much worse the carnage might have been.

Jack is “extremely grateful” his friend will be returning home from the hospital soon, and he knows he could’ve been counting Tom among those who lost their lives. Going to work yesterday, Jack was forwarded a post made by former Fox News host and 2016 Horniest Old White Lech award recipient Bill O’Reilly made on his website about the shooting. In it, Mr. O’Reilly calls mass shootings like the one in Vegas “the price of freedom.”

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“I just couldn’t believe what I was reading,” Jack said, “because it was so offensive. So stupid. The guy even said the Second Amendment clearly gives every person, even insane people, the right to own a gun. Which it does, but I’m sorry in 2017 I think it’s time to stop being so beholden to old, dead, white land and slave owning men’s legalese. Know what I mean?”

“The Second Amendment is clear that Americans have a right to arm themselves for protection. Even the loons.” – Bill O’Reilly (Source)

O’Reilly’s op-ed states that “government restrictions will not stop psychopaths from harming people.” The disgraced former host writes that “Public safety demands logical gun laws but the issue is so polarizing and emotional that little will be accomplished as there is no common ground.” O’Reilly writes that “Violent nuts are allowed to roam free until they do damage, no matter how threatening they are.”

Jack says that’s a “ridiculous” statement.

“Is this jackass really trying to convince us that since violent psychopaths are out there, we can’t do anything to make them getting a gun harder,” Jack asked rhetorically, “because that’s just about the dumbest thing I ever heard. It’s like being told there’s an AIDS epidemic in your town and you decide to start handing all the junkies in town dirty needles and you take all the condoms out of stores.”

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Mr. O’Reilly called the shooting the “big downside of American freedom is on gruesome display.” Jack partially agrees with O’Reilly on that point. However, he sees a subtle difference.

“No, it’s not American freedom that’s on gruesome display,” Jack said, “it’s America’s free dumb. There might not be anything dumber than doing as very little as possible to curb violence as you can. It’s funny, Bill calls these shootings the price of freedom. I call him the price of not being allowed to punch douchebags in the dick. Because if this moron had gotten just one dick punch the first time he callously and stupidly implied there’s literally nothing we can do to prevent mass shootings, he’d probably never do it again.”

Bill O’Reilly and his team could not be reached for comment.

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