“…Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave.”
If there’s one thing we all know about abortion bans, it’s that they keep teenagers from getting pregnant and no abortions are ever performed in that state again…even illegally.
Oh, wait, I’m sorry.
I recently had a piece of Swiss cheese I stuffed up my nose as a toddler removed from my brain, and my synapses are still learning how to fire off correctly. I meant to say that abortion bans don’t typically do shit-about-fuck for either of those situations. In fact, if teenagers couldn’t get pregnant during the times before abortion was legal, there’d be a lot fewer Gen X and Millennials walking around because a shit-ton of us come from families where our parents got married or conceived us quite literally as teenagers. So, in point of fact, it seems like abortion bans might really only help one group of people, and it’s not the “unborn.”
It’s rapists.
In states where abortion is outlawed, guess what happens to rape victims if their rapist impregnates them? If you said, “They become mothers,” you clearly know your religious dystopian nightmare situations, and you also would be right.
To that end, in fact, I recently sat down with Chad Beefington, a self-described “incel” who says thanks to Gov. Ron DeSantis, he’s thinking of “ditching the libtards in Commiefornia” and heading to a place in America where men like him are given more rights, not less.
Here’s a little bit of my interview with Chad.
JAMES SCHLARMANN: Chad, thanks for agreeing to this interview.
CHAD BEEFINGTON: No worries bro. But let’s make it quick. My flight to Florida leaves in about an hour.
JAMES: So, you call yourself in “incel,” which means you don’t get laid, but not by choice. You want to get laid, but can’t seem to find anyone willing to fuck you.
CHAD: Yeah, well, that’s because Big Feminazi has poisoned the women in my life against me just because I think a woman is programmed by God himself to be my willing sex and food preparation slave.
JAMES: Oh, right, I forgot about all that.
CHAD: Of course you did. You’re so woke you’ve fallen asleep at the wheel, and now Big Feminazi is about to do literal genocide on straight men all over this country.
JAMES: But, not in Florida, you think?
CHAD: Exactly! Out in Florida, they clearly understand that to God and Jesus, it don’t matter how the sex happens, it just matters that sex happens, and if the result is a pregnancy, then that’s how it was meant to be. In Florida, clearly they get a father’s got rights too, even a rapey one! It’s bold leadership that makes DeSantis such a strong warrior for rock-ribbed, traditional, pro-rape conservative values, and that’s why I’m headed there.
JAMES: Oh. Wow. So you’re moving to Florida because thanks to the abortion law, rape victims can’t get abortions and…
CHAD: …I’ll finally be able to settle down and rape a new family into existence, yup.
JAMES: But, aren’t there rape laws on the books there in Florida?
CHAD: Of course, but I think with that state’s Supreme Court, and with our country’s current Supreme Court makeup, I’ve got a good chance of challenging those rape laws based on my deeply held religious belief is that a rape baby is just God putting one in you.
I thanked Chad for his time and he left to catch his flight to Florida.
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