Hillary Clinton Circling Block Around FBI Headquarters Chanting “Lock Him Up” While Manafort Processed

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort and his longtime associate Rick Gates, who stayed on with the Trump campaign longer than Manafort, turned themselves into the FBI to face indictments on charges that range from conspiracy against the United States to money laundering. The charges stem from FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigations into the 2016 presidential election and the possible obstruction of justice when President Donald Trump fired James Comey from his post as FBI Director.

While it’s unclear at this time whether the indictments of Manafort and Gates will result in more people related to the Trump campaign being arrested or charged, Manafort was in attendance at the meeting between a Russian lawyer and the president’s oldest son Don Jr. Also present in that meeting were Jared Kushner, Trump’s First Lady’s husband. Many of the charges against Manafort come from a time before he was Trump’s campaign manager, but they do pertain to activities that are alleged to have taken place while last year’s election was still running.

Throughout last year’s campaign, Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server during her tenure as Secretary of State of roiled the right wing, and the idea of arresting Ms. Clinton was used as a political talking point for the Trump campaign. Several Trump surrogates were seen on TV saying that the country couldn’t afford to have a president who was under federal criminal investigation, which Mr. Trump is now.

Reportedly, the irony of Trump’s former campaign manager being arrested has not been lost on Secretary Clinton. Several sources are reporting that for the last sixty minutes, a woman matching Clinton’s description has been seen circling the FBI headquarters in the nation’s capital where Manafort and Gates are being processed. Witnesses say the woman has been screaming, “Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!” the entire time, and even tossed two orange prison jumpsuits out of her sedan’s driver side window, each with Gates’ and Manafort’s names sewn where their prisoner identification number might otherwise go.

Some more satire:

Kellyanne Conway: Manafort Not Arrested, He’s “Alternatively Free for Alternatively Not Colluding With Russia”

A call to the Clinton Foundation confirmed that Hillary left for D.C. last night when she heard the indictments were coming down, and that she is in fact the one circling the FBI headquarters. A spokesman for the FBI said there are no plans currently to stop Secretary Clinton from circling the headquarters as the bureau “still is okay with the First Amendment, until Trump tells us otherwise, anyway.” The Clinton Foundation said that jumpsuits are also being made for Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, and the “3.2 million other people that were apparently in that meeting with the Russian lawyer.”

This story is developing.


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