For years, many have wondered which equine-featured fascist filly is the fastest: Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA), or author and commentator Ann Coulter. According to a new report filed by KPBC’s sports anchor Coleman Rogan, that question will be settled soon.
Rogan reported earlier this week that Greene and Coulter have decided to race for charity. While the charities who are vying for the winner’s share of the 4 million ruble prize pot have not been officially confirmed, there are some rumors. Chuck Charles, an assistant deputy media relations secretary for the Melanin-Free American League, who is one of the cosponors of the race gave us some insights about which charities might benefit from the race.
“Well, as we all know, the only charity we MAGA Republicans believe in is giving our hard-earned Social Security checks to a certain billionaire rapist,” Mr. Charles explained. “So, in point of fact, Margo and Ann will be racing to see which one of his many bank accounts we deposit the price money into.”
Watch Coleman Rogan’s Report:
Horse racing experts are torn between whether Coulter, who Rogan described as “racist fruit leather,” or Greene, who all intelligent life forms call a “fucking whackaloon,” will be victorious. Some feel Coulter’s age and experience will prevail. Others think Greene being a little younger and having the advantage of using Secret Jewish Space Laser tech to train, will cross the finish line first.
“This one’s gonna be a real hoof-biter, that much is for sure,” conservative sports commentator “Fecal” Clay Travis said on Fox News this morning. “My money’s on whichever of these ladies can harness their deep reserves of white power and propaganda down into their legs, and propel themselves to victory.”
It’s rumored that Trump himself offered to ride the women as a jockey, but withdrew his offer when he realized they’d be racing at the same time, and neither one looks enough like his First Lady to entice him after all.
“If either of them looked like Ivanka, that’s who he’d be riding, and who he’d be pulling for,” a source close to the situation told us.”
Greene and Coulter plan to hold the race next spring.
This story was first reported on Into the Garbage Chute Season 2: “BALLPICKLE!”
