God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, House Democrats passed a bill that, if signed into law, would codify the right to an abortion, ahead of the Supreme Court hearing arguments in a case that could gut the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that gave it to women in the first place.

Shortly after the vote was taken, freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted her anger and displeasure. Greene warned that “God will not withhold his wrath any longer” if President Joe Biden signs a “federal law to kill babies up until the day of birth. There are no words.”

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As confident as she was in her declaration, however, Greene may not have been speaking entirely from a place of an accurate understanding of God’s views on the subject. In fact, Larry “God” Schumway — CEO of Holy Trinity, Inc — told heavenly reporters today that he has “no fucking clue” who she is when asked about her tweet.

“I have no fucking clue who this Mango Craycray Greene person is,” Schumway said angrily, “but clearly she’s a me-damned moron. Israel has taxpayer funded abortions; does this Mango creature think that means they’re no longer my Chosen People?”

Schumway suggested to Greene that “find another stable to sleep in” and that she should “try putting her long face in front of cameras while she’s actually helping people.”

“I tell you what, there are a lot of people down there who think they can speak for me,” Schumway chuckled, “and almost none of them have any idea what my thoughts on any given subject are. This Mango person is clearly one of them. My advice to American Christians would be to read your Bibles and ask yourself if what you’re doing sounds like the long-haired radical hippie main character of the second act would approve.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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