God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, House Democrats passed a bill that, if signed into law, would codify the right to an abortion, ahead of the Supreme Court hearing arguments in a case that could gut the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that gave it to women in the first place.

Shortly after the vote was taken, freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted her anger and displeasure. Greene warned that “God will not withhold his wrath any longer” if President Joe Biden signs a “federal law to kill babies up until the day of birth. There are no words.”

Flynn: “Q Told Me Biden is Putting COVID Vaccines in Busch Beer and Marlboro Reds”

As confident as she was in her declaration, however, Greene may not have been speaking entirely from a place of an accurate understanding of God’s views on the subject. In fact, Larry “God” Schumway — CEO of Holy Trinity, Inc — told heavenly reporters today that he has “no fucking clue” who she is when asked about her tweet.

“I have no fucking clue who this Mango Craycray Greene person is,” Schumway said angrily, “but clearly she’s a me-damned moron. Israel has taxpayer funded abortions; does this Mango creature think that means they’re no longer my Chosen People?”

Schumway suggested to Greene that “find another stable to sleep in” and that she should “try putting her long face in front of cameras while she’s actually helping people.”

“I tell you what, there are a lot of people down there who think they can speak for me,” Schumway chuckled, “and almost none of them have any idea what my thoughts on any given subject are. This Mango person is clearly one of them. My advice to American Christians would be to read your Bibles and ask yourself if what you’re doing sounds like the long-haired radical hippie main character of the second act would approve.”

Trump Warns Boebert He’ll Never Be President Again if Potential Rape Victims Are Armed

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

Jesus Told Me Only “Fascist Incel Dorks” Don’t Like Separation of Church and State

"We told them to pay Caesar what's due to Caesar for a reason. Me-stianity...

Once I Learned to Read, I Realized The Left Actually Can and Does Meme

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and Trump White House official Dustin...

God Told Me Oklahoma Kids Will Be ‘Stupid as Fuck’ After the Bible is Taught in Schools

"...do they really think it covers me in glory to have a bunch of...

Someone Accidentally Sent Me a Copy of The Biden/Trump Debate Questions

Don't ask me how it happened, but it would appear that someone at CNN...