Gaetz, Greene Move America First Rally to ‘Suitable’ Stables in Riverside

Published on

Usually, whenever Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) speaks about California or Californians, she doesn’t have a nice thing to say. Often, she pejoratively refers to California as a communist state, filled with communists. So it might come as a shock to some to find out that she and fellow Republican Congresssexualpredator Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) are holding their next America First klan rally in Southern California, this weekend.

However, the rally almost didn’t happen because the original venue in Orange County canceled on Greene and Gaetz. The pair of Q-Anon backed politicians lambasted the business owners who chose to cancel their arrangement to hold the rally, but it didn’t take long for them to find a new location. Greene and Gaetz both announced that they couldn’t divulge the location until twenty-four hours before the rally, and this morning, they held a press conference to do just that.

Trump Orders McCarthy to Put the Former First Lady on January 6th Commission

“We’re really excited,” Gaetz said with a smile on his face. “I’m about as excited as I get watching high school graduations. Marjorie told me she hasn’t been this fired up since she ran in the Kentucky Derby back in 2012!”

Greene agreed with Gaetz that she was excited for the rally this weekend. The venue, Greene said, is “perfectly equipped” for her, and she expects to be “quite comfortable and relaxed” the whole time.

“We’re going to host our rally in the barn located on Regan Farms! You should see the stables, y’all! So many awesome, first class amenities,” Greene said. “I can’t wait to trot out there! My heart is practically galloping about this!”

This weekend’s rally will feature a live appearance by former, one-term, twice permanently impeached President Donald Trump, via video. Greene told reporters that she’s heard Trump’s remarks, and she thinks they’ll “really get the crosses burning.”

“He’s gonna tell all the best lies he knows how to tell, and he’s gonna tell them so bigly, and powerfully,” Greene said, pulling out her crack pipe and pipe to smoke. “We’re talking unicorns stealing ballots, Sasquatch working with Dominion and the ghost of Hugo Chavez. Real based stuff, patriots!”

Representatives from Reagan Ranch could not be reached for comment.

Greene ‘Devastated’ She Wasn’t Picked for Olympic Equestrian Team

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Latest articles

If I Don’t Have a Biden Flag, Biden Shoes, or Biden Bible, Am I Really Voting for Biden?

PROF. McTERRY: And who won the election? JAMES: Well, I don't fuck my cousin, so I know...

I Asked a Klansman If He’s Voting For Biden Since They’re Both Democrats. He Punched Me.

"Man, it's really true what they say about Democrats. They're snowflakes." We all know a...

For Conservatives, Fart Naps Are Quickly Replacing Power Naps

"While some might casually observe the irony in someone who belittles his opponent as...

Surely, We Don’t Expect Republicans to Suck Their Cult Leader Off All The Way from D.C.?

"Does anyone know how hard it is to have a long-distance relationship, much less...