We still don’t know what the contents of the infamous Hunter Biden laptop are, despite some very prominent right-wing Twitter trolls like Glenn “Sugar Daddy” Greenwald telling us how much we should be concerned about them. Some might wonder if, given the lack of specific allegations of wrongdoing or criminal misconduct based on its hard drive’s contents, Greenwald and others are just muckraking and muddying the waters for the sake of politics.
As much as we still do not know about what’s on Hunter Biden’s laptop, the FBI today released a rather unusual statement indicating some things that are definitely not on the on the hard drive. In a short bullet-point list, the FBI says that among the things it could not find on the Hunter Biden laptop are Ivanka Trump’s Chinese copyrights she secured while her dad was president, and any PowerPoint presentations on overthrowing democracy.
The entire list of things that the FBI said is most definitely not on Hunter Biden’s laptop are as follows:
- Attempts to extort Ukraine into helping his father win an election
- PowerPoints for Coup Attempts
- Copies of canceled $130,000 checks made out to women to keep quiet about fucking his father
- Ivanka Trump’s Chinese copyrights, secured while Daddy was president.
- Copies of voter data delivered by Paul Manafort to Russian intelligence agencies
- The phone bill for Jared Kushner’s back channel communications with the Kremlin
- Barack Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate
While it’s unclear what is on the Hunter Biden laptop, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) said that she knows “one thing for certain” about it.
“It needs to be impeached. Right here, right now. Before anything else gets out of hand. We need to impeach Hunter Biden’s laptop before it really does something we can’t recover from,” Greene said. “So that’s why I submitted Articles of Impeachment for Hunter Biden’s Laptop this morning, and I look forward to discussing them in a committee, once they let me in to speak to them.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.