“As much as we would have graciously eaten a cold Big Mac or Quarter Pounder with cheese, we’d all much prefer to be eating bomb-ass Mexican food…”
Traditionally, the team that wins the NFL’s Super Bowl visits the White House and the current president. While it’s unclear if the Philadelphia Eagles will visit His Majesty King President Donald J. Trump, they announced yesterday that the team will definitely be taking a trip to the West Coast.
“Earlier this week, Governor Gavin Newsom of California called us and asked if we’d like to come visit him out in California, and we accepted his offer.” the Eagles press office said in a statement today.
“We look forward to the sunshine, a fun, park-hopping experience at Disneyland, and a chance to speak to the man who oversees the world’s fifth largest economy. While we would certainly speak to a doddering, conman rapist or his tech broligarch puppeteer as well, uncertainties about who is really running the White House made it seem like a good time to take a rain check on the Washington, D.C. visit and go see if the West Side really is the Best Side.”
The Eagles say they’re especially excited about the celebratory banquet that Newsom has promised them.
“As much as we would have graciously eaten a cold Big Mac or Quarter Pounder with cheese, we’d all much prefer to be eating bomb-ass Mexican food, or really anything else. We’re elite athletes after all. Why would anyone think feeding greasy, processed fast food to us would be enticing or something we’d even enjoy? Honestly, that’s such a comically stupid idea it makes you think whoever would do that is a hilariously stupid individual, know what we mean?”
Reportedly, the White House is incensed by this development. Trump Regime Spokescunt Stephen Miller cried and had a tantrum on Fox News this morning about it.
“If you ask me, Martha, it looks like there’s a whole lot of DEI happening on the Eagles,” Miller whined.
“Lots of DEIs on that team, actually. You can’t throw a rock without hitting one of the uppity DEIs, even. So maybe it’s time for the U.S. government to arrest and deport any DEI-skinned Eagles players for their criminal rudeness to his Royal Fartnapper in Chief. I bet that would get them to come running to the White House, then, wouldn’t it, MARTHA?!”
Spend a little more time laughing with us, will ya?
